August Juice Cleanse Diaries

Day 1: Wednesday July 30, 2014

Day 2: Thursday July 31, 2014

Days 3 & 4: Friday August 1 & Saturday August 2, 2014

Juiceland Juice Cleanse: Day 3 Finally Brings Dedication?

Update: I'm doing another 3 day starting 6/26. I'm actually very excited about it. Since this cleanse I've gotten very into juices, and I've found that I missed them! I even ended up purchasing several in between. :-) So we'll see how round 2 goes!

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OK, so on day 3 I'm acutely aware of the fact that I've "cheated" for 2 out of 3 of my juice cleanse days. But the honest the truth is, I'm OK with that. To remind us all, "cheating" entailed a handful of pistachios, some crystallized ginger, and a bag of frozen peas (defrosted and cooked, with a little salt, of course)!

Still, day 3 brought new dedication to stay just on juice and tea and water. How did it go? Well, I DEFINITELY felt the need to eat food, especially around lunchtime, which was always the time I ended up snacking on real food. I made it past that milestone, yay!

I also managed to do some Ashtanga yoga, though not the entire thing. I made it to asana #5 in the seated sequence, which isn't bad given my limited caloric intake. In fact, it felt really good. I felt like I was able to engage my lower bandhas in a way I hadn't before.

Other things I noticed today (also yesterday, though I'm not sure I mentioned them):

• My nose is occasionally runny, and I've been sneezing a bit. 
• I'm SO COLD! It's about 90 degrees here in Austin, and it feels hotter if you're in the sun or a car. Yet whenever I'm in the apartment, a store, or any place where there's any breeze or AC, I'm cold. (Great idea do to a hockey game last night, wasn't it? LOL.)
• The taking of an herbal laxative on day one has kept me loose for days 2 and 3, no more required!
• More water between juices helps with hunger (duh).
• My primary craving (every day!) was for a banana.

When I picked up my juices this morning, I wanted a pick-me-up, as I was missing my coffee and feeling sluggish. The girl at the counter was friendly, helping me decide how to make yerba matte less yucky. She was on her way to make me a lovely sounding version with pineapple and cayenne, when I changed my request to the yerba matte latte that grossed me out last week. My thought was I'd try it without the agave--no luck though, I drank 1/2 of it and was nauseous. I don't think yerba matte is for me, else the hemp milk is just too much. (I've never been a "drink milk in a significant quantity" type of person--of any milk, even the alternatives--although I use them often for smoothies and baking.)

Anyway, I ended up going to Whole Foods to have food on hand for tomorrow. It wasn't so bad, and I even found myself looking at what juices they have. I plan to do a smoothie in the morning, unless of course I'm craving the organic omega-3 eggs, the smoked salmon, the organic cauliflower, avocados, or bananas, blackberries, blueberries, apple, and pear that I bought! :-) I plan to have a salad with those ingredients for lunch, and a light halibut with bok choy for dinner.

Around 5 pm I felt really wiped, but I'd also gone to the chiropractor who put my body back in alignment after I'd done a great job knocking it out, sitting in front of my laptop with bad posture for too long, putting together my upcoming workshop content (see http://ajourneyintohealth.blogspot.com/2014/05/upcoming-workshop-announcement.html). I was so sluggish that at 6:30pm, before teaching a Hatha class, I caved and had a banana! Oh well.

I do like the idea of doing this once a month. My hypothesis is that it should be easier to break poor habits by cleansing more regularly. At least 3 days out of the month, my body would get a break from the toxins I love: coffee, chocolate, and alcohol! Speaking of which, I'm not sure when those will get re-introduced, but my guess is that a nice dark chocolate will be the first on the list--it was last time!

JuiceLand Juice Cleanse Day 2: Body Hate & Bad Hockey

Update: I'm doing another 3 day starting 6/26. I'm actually very excited about it. Since this cleanse I've gotten very into juices, and I've found that I missed them! I even ended up purchasing several in between. :-) So we'll see how round 2 goes!

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Well with no celery and more variety of juices, there isn't much to say about Day 2.  The juices were fine; it was me who wasn't.

I cheated again with the crystallized ginger and handful of pistachios, and then had a bag of frozen peas (cooked of course). Sigh. Around lunch time I just really wanted to eat FOOD! I then ended up in a funk about how much weight I'd gained over the past few years, but decided that I was going to don a bathing suit and go to the pool to get some sun ANYWAY. That was all fine until a gang of kids came and started making comments about "the lady's bootie". Fortunately I was enthralled with Bruce H. Lipton's Biology of Belief and was able to ignore most of it before I left at my usual time.

I tried to do some exercise too--I decided to pull out my difficult Bar Method DVD because I didn't make it to a class, but then I found I really couldn't do much. I desperately need another chiropractic adjustment, so everything just feels off , and that has nothing to do with juice.

Overall I felt disappointed in myself, which led to old familiar feelings of hating my body. But as I rode to the Cedar Park Center to watch the Texas Stars get their butts whipped in game 6 of the AHL Western Conference Finals, I decided that I could spend those three hours beating myself up with automatic negative thoughts, or I could go and have fun. I decided on the latter.

It was somewhat more difficult than usual to smell things and not want all the nasty food stuffs there. One smell that stood out in particular for me was ketchup (which I never eat, weird!)

I slept mostly OK, but woke up to a nightmare about discovering that my juice was ground up body parts--likely due to a comment made yesterday by a yoga student's husband, who said that in the 60s or 70s there was a movie like that, though I can't find any reference to it.

More than yesterday, I am thinking this would be a good once-a-month "clean house" kind of thing. Although I will admit to getting excited about eating food. Honestly, what I really have been craving is a banana.

JuiceLand Juice Cleanse: The Celery Madness of Day 1

Update: I'm doing another 3 day starting 6/26. I'm actually very excited about it. Since this cleanse I've gotten very into juices, and I've found that I missed them! I even ended up purchasing several in between. :-) So we'll see how round 2 goes!

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A few weeks ago I got a wild hair to try another juice cleanse. (In fact, I thought it might be a good idea to do a little mini-cleanse at the start of each month.) I played around on JuiceLand's web site and decided to go hard core, for the "Purify" package. Here's what happened on Day 1.

Because I was teaching Sunday morning it was best to pick up my juice Saturday night. That was totally convenient; I was excited, until I got home and realized how many of my juices were green. This turned out to be the correct instinct: I HATE celery. I don't tend to eat celery, and I should have known because I can always overtaste it in veggie stock. Of course celery was in EVERY green juice, as well as the one other juice that wasn't green (that was better). I was totally relieved it wasn't in my Green Hemp Milk, which I added on for more calories.

The other thing I learned is that I need variety. Having 2 of the same juices (2 Cold Pressed Green) two times (also 2 Cocolillys) just wasn't working for me. Fortunately, I sent email to every address they had for cleanses, and they agreed that they'd allow me to customize my order for an extra $8 (worth it!) and leave the celery out of the next day's batch. When I got to the store however, there was a mix up with the customization, and so we ended up taking some bottles out of the cooler to get the order right. (Apparently the cleanse juices aren't made at that particular site.) Whew!

I had a pounding headache pretty much all day long, but I hadn't slept well the prior two nights due to nightmares and general restlessness, so I attributed it to that. When I still had the headache after a nap though, I started wondering whether it was that + my love of coffee. (I had been better though--only drinking it before noon!)

I did cheat a little bit: I felt nauseous after drinking yet.another.green...I noticed this when flipping over onto my belly outside by the pool. I came inside and had a few pieces of crystallized ginger and a handful of pistachios because I was feeling desperate.

Another thing that I'm re-learning: I like to chew my food! It's just not as satisfying to me to be drinking everything. It must be that cephalic phase digestive response, and I'm wondering whether not deriving as much pleasure from my food offsets any nutrient absorption I'm getting from the fact that it's somewhat pre-digested for me. I ended up skimming through the online screening of "Super Juice Me"(it seemed relevant), and all I could think was "BUT I LIKE BROCCOLI!!!" (the narrator mentions that juicing has been beneficial for him because he hates vegetables like broccoli). I enjoy eating healthy fruits and vegetables--I could do it all day long!

I also found myself pretty hungry later in the evening, and wishing I hadn't used up my last lemon in my water, because I WANTED to make a Master Cleanse lemonade drink. (I had tried this cleanse--for experimental purposes of course--back in May, and lasted 8 out of the 10 days with little hunger.) I'm not sure why I could drink the same thing all day long, and not feel hungry, while on the Master Cleanse yet not feel this way drinking different flavors of vegetable and fruit juice. Hmmm....

And one really rare occurrence, before I pack this up for Day 2: I ended up sleeping through my 5am alarm this morning. I have a Zen alarm clock, one that chimes more frequently and intensely the longer you ignore it. It took me a LONG WHILE to figure out it was going off. I decided not to go to Barre class this morning, and to sleep in until 7:30. So yay, I slept well! On to Day 2.

My 24-hour Tech Detox

On the 6th day of my Yoga Journal Fall Detox (a Saturday), the only obligation I had was to teach a 30-minute yoga class at Breathe Wellness' open house. Fortunately I realized this early in the morning (before 8 am). With other plans cancelled, I decided that starting right then, I was going to try a true technology detox--meaning the iPhone, iPad, and laptop would stay completely OFF until 8 am the following morning (which is when I'm writing this).

I journaled pretty extensively throughout the day, and thought I would share some things that happened to me in case anyone who has a gadget addiction might want to try it.

Here are some highlights from the first half of my day:

• What am I going to do? My first instinct is to make a list of all the things I could do that are "non-tech" (e.g. read a book). I realize (again) how much I fill my life with "to do" items I can cross off. I have a hard time just being.
• Does [insert thing here] "count"? No TV? Really? (I haven't honestly watched TV in months, so what do I care?) What if so-and-so needs to contact me? Will they worry? Several times I really want to check my phone, all in the name of sparing someone else.
• How will I know where to go? If I want to go for a walk, I can't look up a pretty place! What about the weather?? Oh no! Why can't I just look outside and go walk, wherever?
• OMG, the emotions -- several times when I am just still, all I want to do is cry. Then my mind starts worrying at things I am concerned about, and it's clear this is a distraction from feeling the need to cry. I talk back at myself in my journal.
• And the judgments -- "How would I ever do a 10-day silent vipassana meditation retreat? I can't sit still for longer than 3 minutes!" (I notice as I'm trying to sit down while eating my kitchari.) "Why is this little kitchen table so important to me? I should be able to let it go." Sigh.

Then 3:30 pm hits, and something clicks. I feel happy that I decided to do this. (The fact that I had a chair massage with Kristen and a polarity therapy session with Allison at the open house after teaching probably didn't hurt. During the polarity therapy session in particular, I felt my right hip and my heart ache, feel held, and open up, and Allison told me I had "beautiful energy".)

My afternoon was totally different than the morning. So much less of a struggle, and much  more intrinsic listening to my body and my inner wisdom:

• On my long drive home I make many somewhat random stops, doing little chores (but not feeling obligated to do anything). I even stop at a little bookshop, Bearly Read Books, and putter around for awhile. When I get home I slowly and mindfully make another batch of kitchari, and astound myself by my lack of restraint over a yummy papaya. 
• I feel tired, so I lay on my massage table, music playing, water fountain going, scented candle lit, bolstered and covered with blanket and eye pillow. No alarm. I stay awake but in a beautifully relaxed state. (Hours later I wonder whether the CD player "counted", but I hadn't thought of it at the time and it was such a positive experience I decide to let that slide. :-) ) More thoughts of "what counts".
• Later I do a facial mask for the heck of it. As I wipe off the white gunk with a damp washcloth, slowly, I look at myself in the mirror and finally think I'm a beautiful woman. I notice how much I've been hunching over again lately--a self-protection mechanism. I stand up straighter.
• While chopping carrots for more kitchari I realize why I can't stay focused and quiet. Childhood stuff: can't let my guard down. Something terrible could be happening when it's quiet. Ah...and then in my relationships too. Of course. I struggle a bit, wanting to eat some unapproved foods.
• I make a list of things to do tomorrow (today) after my "techdox" is over. I look at the list and don't want to come out of it. I start to think more carefully about how to do it. I also think more carefully about how to reintroduce foods and exercise, something I didn't do that first time of the YJ Detox two years ago.
• I have a fantastic restorative yoga session. I read a lot before bed, getting fully immersed in my book. 

This morning, as the time got near for me to "power up", I felt anxiousness in my body. My breathing got shallow, my chest felt tight. So folks, this is it for now. I need to ease back in.

Day 7 of My Spring Cleanse--the Slowest Loser

My night was filled with even more wacky dreams. But when these happen now, I remember that it's just me "detoxing". I distinctly remember having a snake chasing me, and feeling afraid. My pals over at dreammoods.com tell me that:

If you are afraid of the snake, then it signifies your fears of sex, intimacy or commitment. The snake may also refer to a person around you who is callous, ruthless, and can't be trusted. As a positive symbol, snakes represent healing, transformation, knowledge and wisdom. It is indicative of self-renewal and positive change.

Of course my acupuncturist says its the Kundalini rising.

I was worried slightly about the Ayuvedic workshop I was supposed to teach, not because of doing it but because I've heard nothing from the studio owner yet. Luckily it's not too far, so if I show up and it's off, it won't be a big deal.

Weigh in is 113.6. Great direction. Not fast enough! The cleanse stated more like 10 lbs in 7 days. That's 2.4 for me folks. And I'm not even having the fruit two nights a week as "dessert" which you can have. Though I admit to having 5 strawberries before bed last night because I was hungry. And I'm still working out.  I skipped my bath the night before because I ran out of time in the day, and I had someone coming to look at it today so hopefully I'll have a better experience when the tub actually holds water. I'm was also supposed to do a sushi dinner this night. I wasn't worried about that -- I was worried about temptation to get an alcoholic beverage!

At the gym I decided that yes, I'm doing this for at least another 7 days. Why? A bunch of reasons:

• I remember it takes my body about 3 weeks to react to things like this. So, one isn't enough time.
• I like the routine, and the food. I don't have to think about it so much, which is nice given my busy schedule.
• I am noticing some changes in my body that I'm liking, and looking good for a trip to Austin in a few weeks, where the weather will likely be lovely and I'll want to fit into more of my clothes, is something that's motivating.
• I am losing weight, and I do feel better. My skin has improved (except for matching pimples at my temples as of late--coincidence of where the toxins are trying to escape? LOL).
• Honestly, I like the excuse of "being on a cleanse" for avoiding things, even if it's just me fighting with myself. "Ooh, Starbucks." "Nope, cleanse!" "Oh right, OK!"
• Some of the rings that haven't been fitting me do now. I had started feeling puffy a few months ago, and thought it coincided with new medication I was taking, but I think now it was more the caffeine and alcohol I got myself back to drinking. This cleanse is targeted at removing toxins and inflammation, so in that sense, perhaps it's working.

I tried a different smoothie recipe in the morning, this one with silken tofu and soy milk instead of rice protein powder. I can't say I like it as much, though it was pink from all the strawberries I put in! However, it wasn't a fair comparison. I skipped the tablespoon of nut butter since I had 10 almonds before going to the gym. Figured I had been nutty enough.

At 10:30 I had decided to treat myself to a massage, from a guy my neighbor knows. I had no idea what to expect, but that hour was AMAZING and I am totally doing it again. I can't speak highly enough of Jeff Neer. 

The workshop turned out to be great. 5 people--one engineer and a medical doctor! It was interesting for me to get challenging questions and to hear what they (and the others) had to say. They told me I looked like I was "glowing" (from the cleanse). My hip felt like it stayed in place since my session with Jeff too. I really felt physically balanced. I left feeling so good emotionally too. What an amazing day!

After that I was turned onto an easy solution for my leaky tub drain. Yay! A quick run to Home Depot also allowed me to get some keys copied, which was on my list of things to do. The worker who ended up copying them for me was hysterical. He had me laughing the whole time we interacted.

Then I was off for my sushi dinner at Basho in Boston. Ooops, it was game night, but only after circling for a bit parking was located at the Landmark. I ended up splitting a Mowa Kowa unfiltered sake (hey, it's organic) and got a decent amount of food. Then I split a chocolate lava cake / ice cream. Oh well.

Oh, but then my favorite bartender made me a crazy mixed drink at home, and I downed 2 1/2 glasses. No bath, minus 1 broth, plus a ton of alcohol and a moderate amount of chocolate. But, it WAS flourless. Oh well! I guess the cleanse is officially over.

Day 6 of My Spring Cleanse - Can't Believe I've Made it This Far!

I woke up nicely at 5 am, did my routine...planned that night's yoga class, did TurboFire abs. One thing that always bothers me about ab workouts is that I can't do the roll ups. There's just something about the way I'm built (or some still, unaddressed muscle weakness) that prevents me from doing that, and it's frustrating. I need to ask my new chiropractor/massage guy about fixing that. It would be a real accomplishment. But I digress.... I also got a survey out about my web site to help me redesign it better, and posted another day of this blog. Yay for productivity! And I wasn't tired. I had a full day at work but hoped to relax and watch the Samsara movie in the evening as my reward.

My lunch didn't feel particularly fulfilling--but I think that's because I like having the protein at lunch rather than at dinner, which is what I had been doing the last few days. This day I went back to the rice/veggies-only lunch. And I had my morning broth snack with lunch because I hadn't been hungry for it earlier (and had no time to get it, to be honest).

At 2 pm I headed for a gym break and I didn't last very long--I started having hypoglycemic symptoms, no! Shaky, dizzy. I haven't felt those in a LONG time. I came back and slammed down a protein shake and seriously considered downing my dinner at 3 pm. I only got halfway through my elliptical workout I think, something like 260 calories when normally it's 400.

I did end up eating dinner early, then teaching a private yoga session that totally energized me when I was feeling kind of tired. A trip to Whole Foods for more broth and veggies afterwards. I thought to myself, "I hate the chicken, I just do". I can't eat chicken. It's SO blah to me. Forever it's been that way, no matter what I do to it. So fish it is for next week, yay! I can eat fish every day and not get tired of it. Between that and loving heat and humidity I really think I was born in the wrong climate or had some interesting previous life history.

I was wiped when I got home but started working on some stuff anyway instead of watching the movie. It was partly because I also realized I'd not have enough time before bed to fit it in. Got to bed at 10 pm but couldn't get warm, so I futzed around until I had enough layers on.

Day 5 of My Spring Cleanse--A Bit Disappointed

This morning the scale said 114.0. I was hoping more like 113.6, to keep in line with the earlier drop. However, I suppose it's still progress. I wonder whether it's because of the eating out on Tuesday, although I did well with the cleanse-friendly salad. Alternatively, I haven't felt like I needed the second shake in the afternoon, yet I've had it as a "treat". I think today I'll try going without. I also don't have serious workout plans today so I think that's a safe bet. My skin still looks good, and the other great thing is that one of my favorite rings that hasn't fit me in awhile because my fingers had puffed up for some reason is back on!

In the afternoon I went too long without drinking broth and ended up really hungry around 4. I experienced some tiredness and a bit of a headache, but it's a duller one now.

While making the shake (this time with strawberries that were going to go bad) I still made two, thinking I wouldn't drink the second one if I didn't need it. But subbing a 6 pm class in Marlboro made me realize I was glad I had it. I drank it with dinner around 4:30 and then headed out; barely made it there in time. I ended up teaching 4 lovely students and then filling in for a meditation class with 8. It was awesome!

I came home and drank one more cup of broth, but overall I was minus one for the day. The improved bath was better--I started filling the tub via the shower, holding my contraption over the drain and then switching to tub once there was some water in it.

That might I had some really wacky dreams -- one of the directors at work and I kept running into each other at different stores, like Target, each carrying notebooks of stuff we had to do/get. Every time we'd see each other we'd smile or make an understanding comment (she had her husband in tow and I was alone). Then she ended up buying our management team little wacky tubes of toothpaste (all different). I didn't like the one I got so I traded with one of the other managers. Try that one on, dreammoods.com!

Day 4 of My Spring Cleanse -- Steady as She Goes!

I woke up well rested and did everything I wanted to in the morning, including getting up at 5 am again (hooray!), yoga, meditation, gym. I also ran to CVS to handle a prescription while it was early and less annoying. (I hate them, but that's another story for another time.)

I have making my morning shake down to a science. On the drive into work I noticed that the line for Dunkin Donuts was backed up all the way onto Route 9--and I think to myself, "once I'm at my ideal weight a morning coffee will be the first thing I will add back in". Really!? I dreaded my meeting marathon work day but managed through it.

When I got home, and--here's how efficient I am--I put the rice on the stove (which takes 45 minutes) and while it was cooking I did my TurboFire 40 workout, so when it was finished  so was I! I also sautéed up the chard and spinach that were left over from my green smoothies with some ginger and garlic, and tossed in the rest of the baby carrots for dinner, since I had chicken in my lunch today. For some reason I'm loving the brown rice with lots of salt.

I'm excited and optimistic for myself if I keep this up. And I decided to weigh in after another two full days, which would be tomorrow. Fingers crossed for more progress!

Day 3 of Spring Cleanse -- Stabilizing?

Day 3 I got up, did my Netti pot (yay!) and meditated. Even did a little bit of yoga, then crawled right back into bed until the very latest that I could. Arrgh!! No TurboFire and if I don't fit it in somehow tonight before bed, I've officially "missed" a day--which would be the first one in 5 weeks of doing the program. It can't happen! Anyway, I noticed my skin seems to be improving...a pleasant side effect I've noticed from every cleanse I've done. Something possessed me to get on the scale: 114.8. I smiled, got more motivated, and started calculating how long it would take me to be back at my normal weight with that progress continuing.

My breakfast shake with blueberries was divine. I went out to eat for a lunch meeting and fortunately one of my favorite salads (John Harvards' lentil and hummus salad) was pretty cleanse friendly--I got it sans pita bread, feta, tomatoes, and added grilled shrimp (though in retrospect I'm not sure that was technically allowed; just fish and chicken). I did some time on the elliptical and ran for 1.5 on the treadmill. (I've gotten out of my running habit lately, especially with TurboFire being so fun and running being so dull--sorry fellow runners.) I've had a ton of water today and don't feel hungry, though I suppose I should have my second cup of broth soon, else I'm really running into my dinner serving, and there's only so much broth a person can drink at once. :-)

I got a headache again around 5 pm. And although I'm wasn't necessarily hungry for it, I ate the remaining half of my avocado with dinner, because it was clearly not making it to the next day. I also seemed to be a bit dehydrated though I drank enough water to fill a small pond.

That evening I taught what one student said was an "awesome [yoga] class". Then I decided to pick up my prescription refill on way to/from the gym in the morning (thinking maybe it would make me go back to a real gym--vs. the one at work). I did my 30 min TurboFire (yes!), took my bath with a rigged drain stop (saran wrap and a suction cup hook that fits perfectly over it)--which worked for the last part anyway, and got to bed shortly after 10 pm. I'm hoping to finally have a relaxing bath tomorrow (of course a bath pillow would be helpful too, but now I'm really pushing it!)

Spring Cleanse: Day 2

Ugh. Kinda rough!
 
I was up too late last night, so I couldn't wake up when I'd planned. Thus no Netti pot (which I need to start doing again since I'm starting to sneeze, and I don't want my allergies / asthma to come back!), no yoga, no TurboFire. Although I did manage to squeeze in a 15 minute meditation.

The shake for breakfast was yummy, this time with pears and some raspberries. The recipe is really making me re-evaluate the Rainbow Light Chocolate Rice powder I have hated in the past. When I got to work I had some water, and then most of a cup of green tea, as I started feeling tired around 10 am and that's allowed (though I really don't like green tea). I had my broth around 11, but I had a massive headache and felt really tired. I thought maybe lunch would help.

Oh, and while walking into work this morning down the garage stairs, my Achilles injury really tweaked. Not sure if it's the cute shoes I tried wearing since it's a big springy out today, or my body is just tired of exercising. I still plan to go to the gym but I'll need to stay careful. My neighbor posted pictures of me on Facebook from our Friday night outing--I hated them all. If I didn't look massively fat, I looked stupid, or old. That didn't do much for my mood, especially as she keeps telling me I'm awesome. I think she's great too but I still hate the photos and wish I looked different, but then again I've never been very photogenic.

In the afternoon I had a meeting go poorly, which put me in a sour mood. But, in the past I might have turned to one of the two bowls of chocolate candies that always seems to get refilled; instead I went to the gym and worked it off on the Precor EFX while listening to a Pimsleur Spanish lesson. (I'm hoping to go to Spain later this year.) That seemed like such a better solution! Of course I still felt the effects of the exchange into the evening, but hey, I didn't allow it to send me over the edge with food, so that's progress. I drank my second shake (as reward for working out) and then my broth. Worked until 6, then ate my dinner of cod with the same rice and veggies in the pic from day 1. I didn't much want the third cup of broth.

I got home too late to do TurboFire but decided that was OK. My bath was somewhat better than yesterday. I managed to keep more water in the tub with a wash cloth covered by a glass dish--still not ideal I know. But calling the landlord isn't going to do me much good. I need to search online for a DIY fix or contraption.  I got to bed at a somewhat reasonable time (10:30pm).

Spring Cleanse: Days -1 to 1

Here's a pretty uncensored diary of what happened to me early on.

The days before I began
I'm already starting off annoyed. Although my emotional eating binges have been under better control as of late (happening 1 day a week instead of a chain of days, and generally not as bad quantity-wise when they do), Friday ended up being a "bad" food day. Rather than getting angry with myself, I decided to look at it with curiosity and ask why. I determined that it was because I felt socially awkward in a number of situations.

On Saturday I "made up" for Friday--I went most of the day without eating (mostly from being busy). Had a nice quiche from Cafe on the Common around 1:30 pm, and then a lovely salmon dinner with veggies and wine with a friend for dinner. After dinner, however, a voice in my head told me, "you're going to be deprived for 7 days--go get yourself some chocolate cake." (Of course this wasn't true, given my cleanse criteria.) I was actually worried the stores would be closed, so I looked up Hannaford's hours, and I will shamefully admit that at 10:30 pm I drove myself there, went right to the bakery, and grabbed a familiar friend: "chocolate overload cake". Actually it's TWO pieces of chocolate cake, surrounded by the best grocery store icing I've ever had. I suppose it's progress that I made it home and got a fork before eating it (as there have been times I shoved it down in the car with my fingers probably as recently as 6 months ago), and that I took my time trying to find something on the TV. The whole time the voice in my head that said, "don't do this, you don't need this, you'll regret this" was overridden by a primal urge to do it anyway. Sigh. After eating almost all of it, I felt so sick I actually tried to throw up. (That never works for me, by the way. I seem to have a rock solid stomach no matter what I do to it.) And yes folks, the health and fitness nut has been struggling with an eating disorder. So yay, if it wasn't clear, it is now. I'm officially out of the closet. It's actually not my only issue (I've had a rough few years) but it's the only one I'll admit to now, and that's hard enough. For the record, I hope that this experience will help me better coach others in the future. I always say I like to experience something before I tell other people about it, so hey, I suppose it's part of my journey.

Day 1: a new start
This morning I didn't want to get out of bed, but I wanted to "weigh in" at the start of this cleanse at the time when I normally would weigh myself. OK, 116. The most I've ever weighed in my life--and after improving on the binging and getting back on a good workout program for at least a month, it's depressing because I've gained a pound. And before you start rolling your eyes, I'll just remind you that I'm 5 feet tall, have a stomach hanging out where my incredible abs used to be, and don't fit into so many of the clothes in my closet that I had to actually go buy "fat pants"--plus I wear yoga pants way too often these days (for that reason, and because I teach so much). It's all relative people, so before you tell me I'm crazy, think about that. My goal was to lose 3-5 in this 7 days, and this makes me really want to stick to it and lose the 5. However, I'm feeling much like I started yesterday--I don't want to eat because I want to somehow "make up" for last night's binge. And I know that's not the right thing to do. So I've taken my herbs and had my lemon water (something I do anyway, so no big deal)...now it's onto green tea (yuck) and making this protein shake thing I don't really want to have because I keep thinking it will be a ton of calories. But I suppose if I want to have energy to exercise, I need to "eat", and I want to do this program by the book so I can accurately report out.

I'm not constipated yet, yay. The shake finally allowed me to use up this Rainbow Light rice protein powder I haven't much liked--the other ingredients in it actually make it sort of tolerable, though I had to add in extra water to liquify it more, and I already miss the green smoothies I was doing in the mornings. If I do lose 5 lbs, I wonder if this is safe enough to do for 2 weeks and lose 10? After looking it up, it seems as though I can do it up to 3 months if I like! I'm aiming to do it for 2 and a half weeks now, to see if I can feel better about myself before my trip to Austin.

The broth is fine to drink (I bought mine instead of making it from fresh vegetables--it wasn't the work; I just couldn't bring myself to discard all of the veggies afterwards!). I went on a cooking spree this afternoon, making kale with ginger/garlic/olive oil, cod, brown rice (to which I added 1 tsp tumeric as it was simmering), and garlic/rosemary chicken on the George Foreman grill. I ended up with a lot more food than I expected, but I need more lemons. At lunch I added 1/4 avocado because I bought one, it's allowed, and it's going to go bad if I don't eat it over the next day or so. I was totally satisfied by the amount, and it reminded me of the Buddha cleanse. And I love the organic purple cauliflower I found--it's SO pretty!

I did my TurboFire HIIT 25 (from yesterday, admittedly) and am about to do Fire 40 (for today). I'd hoped to go to the gym too but I just can't fit it in, and that might be just a wee bit too much, even for me. I'm looking forward to my bath tonight, because I haven't taken one in awhile, and with getting my hair colored yesterday, it's easier than avoiding getting it wet in the shower. Plus, I stink!

OK, around 4 pm when I had my second cup of broth, it made me hungry. So I made a second shake and took it with me to my yoga class. After drinking it and as I neared the class, I felt very tired and didn't feel at all like being social, much less teaching a class. At that moment I noticed all my cravings rushing in: that chocolate cake I had last night, alcohol, Starbucks (or hell, even Dunkin Donuts--yeah, I've become a coffee snob). I thought that was an interesting association. No one showed up because after all, it was Easter. But I stayed in the room and practiced a trickier part of my flow, then laid in a restorative posture given that I had all the available props. Wow, was that nice. I think I was only doing it for 20 minutes or so but ahhhh....

I went home to have dinner (a LOT of food it seemed, especially with the broth too but I wasn't feeling stuffed), then to take my soak. I discovered a spider as I was filling the tub. Or rather, TRYING to fill the tub, which in my new apartment apparently doesn't hold water very well. I ended up laying in a few inches of water for the 20 minutes, pondering how to rectify the problem tomorrow. Stayed up an hour past my bedtime when I swore I'd be using this cleanse to get better rest. Sigh.

Getting What You Want from a Spring Cleanse

I did my first cleanse in the fall of 2011, not knowing much about what to expect. I didn't have many ideas about what I wanted to get out of it, other than in a general sense (i.e. get healthier). And, I had *no* idea that a cleanse was only partially related to nutrition.

Since I've had more time to explore cleanses, I thought I'd share with you some of my criteria for a "good" one, as well as some thoughts as I prepare for a 7-day spring cleanse I'm starting this coming Sunday.

If you're about to embark on a spring cleanse yourself, hopefully this will give you some useful things to consider about before you begin.

My criteria for a "good" cleanse 

• I must be able to eat actual, solid food
• The food must be somewhat simple to prepare, preferably in advance
• The food must be possible to transport and eat on the run (not ideal I know, but it's reality)
• I must have enough energy to be able to keep up my exercise program (since it's a primary stress reliever)
• I should still be able to enjoy eating out with friends
• Any recommended supplements should be readily available (e.g. at Whole Foods)

I no longer entertain the idea of doing a cleanse that does not meet these criteria, because there's no point.  I've learned to listen to what does and doesn't seem to work for me.

My upcoming spring cleanse
I'm not going to share which cleanse I'm starting on Sunday yet--I promise to blog about it when it's over (and possibly during the week if I feel called to). But, here's what I hope to get out of this one:

1. Lose 3-5 pounds, to get me back on track to losing all the weight I've put on over the past few years from emotional eating (a reasonable goal)
2. Get me back off caffeine, which I'd done well with until recently, when it took over my life more than ever due to stress and a busy schedule
3. Force me to slow down and take more time for self-care (again!)

And here are my answers to the suggested, pre-cleanse journaling questions:

• My 3 most physically toxic behaviors: binging / overeating, drinking alcohol, caffeine
• My 3 most toxic habits of mind: self-criticism, pessimism, thinking I need to be busy to feel safe
• My 3 most toxic relationships: with myself, with my work, with people who are trying to be supportive and help me during a difficult time
• What my life would look and feel like without these behaviors, habits, and relationships: empty and meaningless. It's therefore necessary not to give them up, but to explore and change how I react to them.

Which is pretty much the story of my life: battling my own internal demons. I've been reading in The Gift of Our Compulsions that fighting one's demons is pretty futile, and that engaging with them in a respectful, forgiving conversation is the key to long-lasting self-acceptance and peace. Perhaps that should be goal #4, or at least part of the self-care I explore in #3.

Comments welcome. Stay tuned....

10 Tips for Digging Out of the Winter Blahs

Punxsutawney Phil may have predicted an early spring this year, but if you're anything like me, the end of February and slog through the long month of March ahead can feel daunting. Whether you're daydreaming of a vacation break in Maui or toying with ideas for how you might incorporate your snow shovel into your morning sadhana, here are a few less radical things you might try to pull you through and set you up for that promised next season:

1. Keep up your neti / nasya routine. There are still some nasty cold/flu bugs floating around out there! Plus, your sinuses will be all nice and shiny and clear, giving you a jump on springtime allergies.
2. Use every long, cold day on the calendar as a new opportunity to practice mindfulness. (Yeah, I know.)
3. Start or renew a meditation practice. Especially with March coming up, you have 30 days (plus a bonus one!) to get into the habit. Meditation, or any habit for that matter!
4. Make an appointment to try a new alternative therapy, such as Reiki. Open your mind and your heart to what it might do for you. Consider it an experiment, self-care, whatever. A pedicure for the soul!
5. Research and consider some cleanses for the change in season. One I particularly like is from If the Buddha Came to Dinner. No starving, good food and easy to do. Forget about that New Year's Resolution? No big deal. Begin again.
6. Take up a simple mindful eating practice, like the one I learned at Kripalu: focus only on three things: chew every bite completely; put the utensil down between each bite; breathe. Start with the first one, and add the other two as you are able.
7. Mix up your own yoga practice. Teaching too much and neglecting your own? Get yourself to a class for YOU. Doing the same old routine? Incorporate a new posture each time, or pick one to really hone in on. Could it be the month of the crow? The handstand? The child? You decide.
8. Valentine's Day has passed, but why not reach out and find a way to cultivate one relationship you've been neglecting? Appreciate a friend by sitting down and really listening to them, do a small favor for a stranger, learn what love is for yourself. Or surprise your significant other with the game of Seductive Couplets!
9. Purge something. A friend of mine recently took a few days for a stay-cation, and took the opportunity to reorganize her kitchen for a more efficient workflow. It had been something that was driving her crazy, but she never had time to fix it. She started this project but stopped whenever it stopped "being fun", then picked up when she got a new idea of how to solve a problem (and it was fun again). And voila! Now it's one less thing for her to think about every day.
10. Explore a new or lost creative activity. When's the last time you colored? Wrote a Haiku? Danced to a fun song when no one was watching? Find a playful, joyful expression of you and go for it!

Clearing out the old; making space for the new

It was completely a coincidence last week that I had designed my yoga class around emotional wellness and healing. Between the events that occurred at Sandy Hook Elementary School, the upcoming "end of the world," and the general stress of the holidays, you can say it went over well. One of my Tuesday students left saying she could "use about 5 more hours of that," and Saturday's class also was well received.

With emotions still running high in my life and in the world, I remembered two things from my yoga teacher training (YTT) earlier this year:

• you always teach the class you need
• shaking releases deep seated emotional energies

I also recalled that in one of our sessions we did the Osho Kundalini Meditation^TM -- it was a really unique and powerful experience, so I went to the web site and refreshed myself on it. I thought it might be the perfect last class for the year -- different, cleansing, fun. (Basically, you spend the first half releasing energy through fast movement--shaking and dancing; then you revel in stillness in sitting meditation and shavasana.) I downloaded the music the led my last Saturday class through it. While I'm am a far cry from the fabulous Jurian Hughes who guided my experience, I managed to keep the class moving throughout the time allotted for each stage. We weren't quite as noisy as my YTT but we were fewer people; plus it can be difficult to completely release all inhibitions, even within one's yoga community!

I'd highly recommend that anyone who wants to clear out the old and make space for the new try this meditation. And stay tuned, I may just lead it again next year. :-)

Happy holidays, everyone!

Simplify, Simplify, Simplify

"Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify."

Today my post is inspired by Henry David Thoreau and his classic work, Walden Pond. It's a short post, because I've spent most of the afternoon clearing out stuff I don't really need: clothes, purses, shoes, jewelry. I feel so free.

A different me, one that was overly concerned with looking fabulous on the outside instead of being truly authentic, purchased all these things over the past few years--and I won't lie, I often had fun shopping!. But if the past few years have shown me anything, it's that there are truly more important things in life than material goods.

The bags you see below will be donated to Planet Aid: it's as easy as driving to the supermarket and throwing them in a bin. 

Not inspired to purge your closets anytime soon? Well, if you're still feeling a bit selfish, also know that as a result of this effort, I'm able to get rid of the wobbly shoe tree, all my handbags fit on my holder, and all my clothes fit in one closet (with room to spare). Benefits all around.

My First Juice Cleanse: A Mixed Blender

After a recent trip to NYC where I stumbled upon one of their stores, I was reminded of Organic Avenue, and ended up checking out their web site when I returned home. After 2 weeks of being "off my healthy eating plan," I impulsively signed up for their Deep Love Cleanse. What I didn't realize was that it was their most challenging cleanse, requiring one ingest only fruit and vegetable juices for 3-5 days.

Benefits of Juice Cleansing
A lot has been written about the benefits of cleansing in general, and particularly juice cleanses. A Google search will turn up tons of information, highlighting both pros and cons. Below are some of what I found on various sites about the reported benefits of abstaining from solid foods:

• increased energy
• deep hydration of the body
• improved digestion (after giving the body a rest from solid food)
• improved mental clarity
• improved nutrient absorption
• clearer skin
• more regular / normal elimination (i.e. alleviated constipation or diarrhea)
• removal of harmful toxins that have built up in the body
• increased metabolism / weight loss

However, it doesn't appear as though the medical or lay communities advocate juice cleansing as completely safe for everyone, or agree that such a cleanse necessarily provides all the benefits I listed above. LIVESTRONG, for example, provides several articles that talk about juice cleanses--some of illustrate benefits, others point out several potential risks. (Hey, I guess it's good to see they're largely unbiased!)

Risks & Downsides of Juice Cleansing
Here are some of the risks and downsides of juice cleansing that I've turned up:

• nutrient deficiencies (e.g. those usually obtained from protein and fat in one's diet)
• increased one's sugar intake (which can be especially harmful for those who already have medical conditions related to sugar)
• potential for side effects such as headaches, dizziness, digestive upset
• decreased energy
• increased hunger and thirst 
• loss of water weight only / regained weight upon return to solid food

Additionally, experts like Dr. Nasir Moloo have frequently been cited as stating that the body already knows how to remove toxins naturally, once one stops ingesting substances like caffeine, sugar, alcohol, processed foods, etc. So doing that instead might be more effective long term.

My Personal Experience
Since I like to reserve judgement about something until I have direct experience with it, I tried a 3-day juice cleanse, and here's what I can tell you:

• I've never felt so hydrated. Unless I'm in a tropical climate, I'm always terribly dry and dehydrated. Not so with this cleanse! Between the juices and all the water and tea in between juices, it does feel great.
• I did not abstain 100% from solid food. Even on day 1, I planned to supplement the juices I received from Organic Avenue with some fresh fruit and vegetables. Why? Based on my calculations I wouldn't be getting the medically-accepted minimum of 1200 calories a day (for women) on the juices alone. According to Mayo Clinic, fewer calories "could deprive a person of nutrients like calcium, iron, and protein." I also knew from John Doullard and Marc David's work that diet and exercise should never cause physical distress--doing so actually causes the metabolism to slow down. Also, I really just missed chewing!
• My skin did look good. That said, I've also observed this on less invasive cleanses.
• I was freezing! The Buddha cleanse I did previously warned that one might get cold as a side effect of cleansing, so I expected this. But as someone who is always cold anyway, by day 2 I was physically shivering all day at the office, and could not get warm inside.
• By the evening of day 2 I was pretty much done. Day 2 started really good--I didn't feel as though I needed as much solid food (though I ate some anyway), but by evening I was super dizzy, and my stomach was in total revolt. I tried going to bed but between the loud growling and cramping the only way I could fall asleep was to eat some Mary's Gone Crackers. Unfortunately, I woke up with the same symptoms, and on Day 3 I had soup and a rice cake for breakfast, and a salad for lunch. The solid food made me feel better, but I was also pretty irritated. Not sure whether that's because of some release of toxins, or just annoyance over this cleanse not really working for me. Having a flat stomach that hurts like hell totally isn't worth it in my book!

My Advice
First off, based on my personal experience I wouldn't recommend this particular juice cleanse. Of all the cleanses I've done, the Buddha cleanse is my absolute favorite. Through it, one is eating solid foods all along (but starting clean and reintroducing certain foods along the way if one likes), so it feels much less disruptive and supportive of long-term healthy eating habits (i.e. ones that don't zig and zag between deprivation and binging).

However, if you are going to try this particular cleanse or a juice cleanse in general because you're curious about whether it would work for you, here's what I'd recommend: 

• Find a local supplier of juice. Though most of Organic Avenue's juices were tasty, dealing with ordering, shipping, storing and trying to understand the smudged expiration dates on lots of perishable (unpasteurized) juice was difficult. During the process we had a few snafus--which they handled quite responsively--but it was a pain nonetheless.
• Do the juice cleanse with a mentor and/or group. Having someone available who knows what they're doing, can answer questions, and provide support is valuable. Working remotely with Organic Avenue, I didn't find that they provided a lot of clear instruction up front--although when I emailed specific questions, they were pretty helpful.
• Don't do a juice cleanse longer than 3 days. This is partially because of the risks I keep reading about with juice cleanses, and partially because of my personal experience and how yucky I felt. Of course, some juice cleanse creators will tell you otherwise; after all, they're likely selling you the juice! I've done much longer (food-based) cleanses before and to me, nothing but juice doesn't feel healthy for my body for very long. Maybe I gave up too soon, but when my body is revolting that violently even though I don't eat very badly in general, I have to listen and think that maybe it's really not a good thing!
• Back off intense workouts. I reluctantly gave up my running and a hot yoga class because I was worried about having the energy to do them, the low calorie intake, and the understanding that cleanses work best when you rest the body. Although I'm somewhat resentful of missing these workouts given how it all turned out, my instincts were right--I don't think there's any way I could have done my typical routine if I wanted to. (I did do yin yoga the second day, which was lovely and fitting as a somewhat restorative practice.) 

So, basically I tried this juice cleanse and I don't think it worked for me. I mean no disrespect toward Organic Avenue or their juices--in fact, many of their products are yummy and who knows, maybe when I've forgotten about this experience I'll order some of their juice again.

Or, maybe I'll just go back to making my own smoothie recipes in my new Vitamix! :-)

Yogi at a Dance Convention

After not having set foot on a West Coast Swing dance floor for about 3 months, this past weekend I attended Boston Dance Challenge. I started doing this dance 10 years ago because I had a lot of spare time after getting my Master's degree, and I loved how it made me feel physically and emotionally. Many studies have shown that dancing is good for your health, but I can also attribute dancing to making me more social and outgoing; like yoga, I believe it has played a large part in changing the deepest "me".

Part of the reason I haven't been dancing lately has been because I had felt like it was always a choice to go dance or pursue my yogic practices. There seemed to be too many things at odds with one another in each of these passions. For Ayurveda and yoga, I get up early, I eat light and clean, I practice mindfulness and compassion. For dancing, I stay up until Ayurveda would have me wake, food and alcoholic drinks are a prevalent and constant temptation, not to mention all the competition, ego, judgement, and cliques that are the norm. 

But since yoga is really about a way of living in the world (99% of which happens off the mat), I decided to use this weekend as a test: could I be a yogi while participating in the hobby I used to enjoy so much? Here's some highlights of how it went.

Friday Evening

• 8:30 pm: I arrive at the hotel, pleased as punch that I have two, like-minded and considerate roommates with whom to share the weekend. Space in the room is respectfully shared from the moment I arrive. I feel content, and set an intention to have fun this weekend.
• 9:30 pm: While watching the first competition, I catch myself judging other dancers, trying to select who's in first, second, or third place, and making comments to nearby friends / observers about outfits and dancing (good and not so good). I vow to just sit and enjoy watching others express themselves while doing something that gives them pleasure. 
• 10 pm: I remember how to spot while social dancing (there's no spinning in yoga!). My former dance partner (a vegan neuro-muscular massage therapist who's tickled at my yogic transformation) asks me, "are you the same person?" I smile confidently as I reply, "No, I'm not." Friends encourage me to compete tomorrow, and I know I need to make a decision by the morning.
• 11 pm: Having gotten up at 5am, I feel jet-lagged. I decide I've had a long day, and turn in. (Something unheard of at a dance event.)

Saturday

• 6:15 am: After initially waking at 4 am, I'm fine with this. I get up and do some yoga, meditate, and decide to compete.
• 9 am: I start to second guess my decision to compete, thinking it won't be worth the hit to my self esteem. I observe this indecisiveness as a pattern as of late, realize it's not good for me, and choose to just own the decision I made instead of doubting it. I feel better.
• 12 pm: I am proud of myself for maintaining phase 3 of my Buddha cleanse, eating the lunch I brought with me.
• 1 pm: I have the pleasure of attending a workshop with Arjay Centeno & Jennifer DeLuca, who surprise and inspire me by talking all about how important the breath is while dancing because it calms the body and enables communication with your partner. They have us breathe deeply in, pause slightly at the top, and exhale through our movements. I'm so excited and grateful I almost can't contain myself. 
• 3:15 pm: I spend the next several hours trying to find my full yogic breath while social dancing in between comps. Initially it's distracting, and I can't do that and keep my steps. But after a short time, I start to find it to be seriously grounding. Just what I need. I do feel as though my breath can breathe life into my dance!
• 4:30 pm: My roommate and I rush to get ready for comps. We'd been chatting about this amazing rhythmic yoga flow and completely lost track of time. I have 3 really fun dances, where I breathe and feel comfortable in my body while on the competition floor. (Competing without freaking out has been an issue for me for as long as I've been doing these events.)
• 5 pm: Some friends get called back for Novice semis. I quickly run to the restroom so I can be back in time to watch them dance. When I emerge from the stall, I see a wall of urinals and a close friend says, "Jen, you in the right place?" I panic and run out, amazed at how un-mindful I'd been. I continue this pattern by nearly sitting on a guy's lap when I get back into the ballroom because he'd taken my chair. My friends think all this is hysterical. 
• 6:15 pm: A pro tells me and  a friend / fellow competitor that we looked good on the floor. I start to have hopes of making finals.
• 7 pm: I realize once 5 of us arrive at the Green Land Cafe for dinner that I've screwed up the reservation and we don't have one. My friends are so kind (reminding me also of my earlier restroom mishap) and the restaurant is accommodating. I breathe with the discomfort of not being perfect, and try to accept that that's really OK.  My friends love me anyway.
• 8 pm: I find out I'm only one of three other girls cut completely from the finals list. Part of me says, "of course, you haven't danced in 3 months, what do you expect?" Another part is sad and disappointed. Yet another is thrilled for my roommate, who did make the cut. Behind it all, my true Self is amazed I'm actually remembering my yoga training and starting to allow myself to feel each layer of my emotions.
• 9 pm: I'm really tired. One of my roommates talks me out of breaking my Buddha cleanse with a coffee. I decide to do Viparita Karani instead, but never end up actually doing it.
• 9:30 - 11 pm: I do battle with my "itty bitty shitty committee". My roommate tells me to dance with this advanced guy--I do, and while it was fine, I still feel like it was a "pity dance". When she wants to teach yoga with me at dance events, I wonder why. I want to eat something I shouldn't. I doubt my ability to be a good dancer, a good yoga teacher, to maintain a healthy body. I see a woman who I've had issues with in the past and this riles me up. I reluctantly dance with the beginner who keeps asking me, and wonder why on earth he's so persistent. Then suddenly I remember my intention for the weekend: FUN!
• 11 pm: I'm exhausted again, but vow not to cave in and go to bed. Who knows when I'll be out dancing again, and darn it, I'm going to have fun!
• 11:30 pm: I complain to a friend about the dude who's selling dance shoes, because he's been saying wacky things to me about buying something every time I pass his tables. Soon after I feel like maybe I could be more light-hearted about it.  
• 12:30 am: I have good dances with old friends and new partners. I get a second wind. I focus on having a good time. I marvel at how applicable my Kripalu yoga training is: emotions really are just waves one has to ride; the amount of time between them just varies, as does their magnitude.
• 2:30 am: I kindly explain to the beginner who has been asking me to dance repeatedly that I'm really flattered but there are a lot of people I haven't seen in awhile who I'd like to dance with. He takes it well, and I don't feel like I've been a dance snob.
• 3:30 am: I'm tickled when a pro I like starts running around the social floor with a child-like grin on his face, cutting in on random couples and stealing followers for a few passes. They must be tickled too!
• 4 am: I haven't been on the floor in about 45 minutes, and so I decide to call it a night. A respectable time for a dance event. I feel proud of myself.

Sunday

• 9 am: I wake after having had less than 5 hours of sleep, which I know is less than what my body needs. I see one of my roommates on her yoga mat, and get down on the floor myself. I hear her Ujjayi breathing and start my own short flow, listening to what my body needs me to pay attention to after all that dancing. I smile when I glance up and see we are in similar postures I feel very connected to her.
• 10 am: Rather than getting anxious about having to leave the hotel room by the 11 am checkout time, the three of us work together perfectly to all get showers and pack up in time. I'm feeling even more grateful that these lovely people are in my life.
• 11 am: After taking half my suitcase outside, I'm too enamored by the beautiful sunny day to spend it sitting or dancing in the ballroom. After checking with my roommate that she'd be OK with me missing her dance this afternoon, I say some other goodbyes. One couple tells me I should have taught a morning yoga class, and that they were not willing to go to the gym but would have done yoga; I agree and hope to offer something next year.
• 3:30 pm: I write this blog, and feel like yes, I could do another dance event, AND balance it with keeping true to my yoga practices. In fact, as with anything else in life, YOGA JUST HELPS.
• 7 pm: I find out my roommate placed 5th, and a dear friend came in 1st place. I text them both back with a big smile on my face, sending them my love as part of celebrating their success.

 

Nourishing Myself Like a Buddha

The Inspiring Book
A few months ago, a fellow yogi was reading If the Buddha Came to Dinner. I was interested but reading some other things at the time, but a few weeks ago, I finally got around to buying my own copy.

The verdict? I think this is an excellent book and I highly recommend it. The first half explores what nourishment really is (hint: it's more than just food!), and potential to transform us not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally. Schatz' content aligns nicely with the Ayurvedic practices and seasonal eating I'd already been exploring, and also includes easy-to-understand diagrams about food combining. Quite frankly, this was a concept that used to intimidate me because I worried it was too complicated. (No more! :-) The first half also includes a simple cleanse that gives readers lots of freedom, both in how long to do each phase and in what to eat. The second part of the book contains fabulous, easy-to-make recipes that support good nutrition whether or not readers do the cleanse, and automatically follow the food combining principles.

Cleanse Basics & Initial Fears
Given that I have been having digestive issues of late, I was already considering completely eliminating dairy or gluten. So, the idea of this cleanse came at the perfect time. For the food part, it basically looks like this:

• Phase 1: fruits and vegetables only
• Phase 2: addition of grains (with vegetables), seeds and nuts (eaten separately)
• Phase 3: addition of proteins (with vegetables, but not grains)

Being hypoglycemic my whole life, I've always been taught to eat lots and lots of protein, and as much as I've tried to deny it, I'm a carb junkie underneath. I worry about the sugar in fruit. The cynical part of me wondered how on earth would I survive on just fruits and vegetables! But, although I originally planned on doing an abbreviated version of the cleanse (each phase can be 2-6 days), I became curious about whether all of this fear was just in my mind.

A Week of Discovery
Monday was my start day, and I won't lie--it was rough! I thought I'd be fine because I eat healthy (no caffeine, processed foods, etc.) but the previous day my husband and I had celebrated his birthday, feasting (and instantly regretting!) really bad dim sum for lunch. Oh, and then I had a little bowl of real ice cream for the first time in ages (which was awesome!). So day one, I got a terrible headache and wave of tiredness a little after lunchtime; I decided the cleanse was doing its job. Things didn't improve, and I went to bed at 8pm. Here are some interesting takeaways from this day:

• My stomach issues flared up--when I inhaled my food.
• Being tired or upset with myself made me crave sweets

Fortunately, days two through six were much smoother. I:

• Experienced more instances of eating too fast or un-mindfully causing my stomach issues
• Noticed how I ate because the clock said to (overriding my body's wisdom about whether or not I was hungry)
• Had nightmares that I considered to be good (i.e. psychic cleansing)
• Talked myself out of a really cranky / annoyed mood, and felt really balanced after
• Continued to be surprised at just how much water my body seems to need to be hydrated, and how thirst often masqueraded as hunger or showed up as a headache
• Once again saw how boredom made me crave things
• Allowed feelings of upset to run their course rather than try to push them away, and they seemed to dissipate easily
• Realized that maybe my body and mind are more tired that I allow myself to feel

Most of these I already knew on some level, reminding me of Autobiography in Five Short Chapters. However, I had to really restrain myself about ending the last item with an exclamation point.

The other thing I want to point out is that with this cleanse, I did nothing different about my workouts. Actually, that's not true. Every day I've run, I've run further, and easier (though that might also be because of yoga).  I expected that the lack of protein would be a real problem, and turns out if was just another figment of my imagination.

So How About That Fruit?
While Schatz' hash browns with avocado slices were also something I never thought I could eat for breakfast, they held me just fine, and so for two of the six days, I tried a fruit bowl for breakfast instead. I had a bowl of 1/2 apple, 1/2 pear, 1/2 banana and a sprinkling of dried currants. I eat breakfast between 8-8:30 am every day, and wouldn't you know it, that held me until lunch, which happened to be 12:45 that particular day! It's amazing what tricks the mind can play on us.

Surrendering to Whatever is Next
Today I began phase two, and honestly I am a little nervous about adding grains. Schatz encourages readers to pay attention to how they feel two to three hours afterwards, to see if grains fuel the body or contribute to cravings. I like having the opportunity for heightened awareness that phase one provided, and plan to take advantage of it. I'm also worried about the seeds and nuts, because I love their crunchy texture and did miss them a few times during phase one. I guess time will tell whether these fears are justified, or just more of my mind playing tricks on me. :-)

My Experience with the Short Home Cleanse (SHC)

As some of you know, I completed my first real detox last fall. It was very powerful, and so as part of my follow up from attending Dr. Douillard's Ayurveda and Weight Loss program at Kripalu last month, I decided to try his 4-day, short home cleanse to prepare for spring. Here are some highlights from my experience. 

Prep Day: Sunday

• I keep thinking of my last detox and anticipating what this one might be like. I realize I need to let go of any expectations. 
• I make a different version of kitchari--this time based on Dr. Douillard's recipe, and am interested in seeing which one I like better. This kitchari seems easier to make for some reason; I decide to make it each night rather than quadrupling the batch and having it taste stale. 
• I decide to do the non-capsule form of all the herbs, and I can't find red root tincture after running to three different stores. I binge on a chocolate chip pumpkin muffin from Whole Foods because I'm frustrated. But I call Cambridge Naturals and they finally save me. 
• I say something to my husband about it being nice to have permission to take a bath each night, to which he responds, "why do you need permission any night?" Hmmm.... 

Day 1: Monday

• I can't believe I drank two teaspoons of ghee, although I didn't bother trying without mixing it with nonfat soy milk. I also added cardamom since I figured it would remind me of my warm spiced cardamom milk, but without the cashews. It actually isn't bad, but I can't imagine day four when I have to consume eight teaspoons first thing in the morning!
• It's nice to get back to alternate nostril breathing, but my mind is a ping pong ball during morning meditation. 
• I think I overdosed on the red root tincture! The instructions in Dr. Douillard's pamphlet say "one dropper-full" but I have a big bottle, and the bottle says 20-30 drops (which is nowhere near a dropper-full). I dump out some and dilute it with more water. It smells OK in the bottle but is gross in the water, maybe because I did WAY too much to start. I get a little paranoid about potential side effects, but after getting to work, I seem to still be alive. The red root tincture is gross, even with just 20 drops.
• I'm very hungry by 11am but I'd done a pretty brisk walk on the treadmill at the gym this morning--why is it so hard for me to back off!? I convince myself that warm water will hold me until 12:15pm, which it does. I'm hungry again between 3-4pm and slightly dizzy. Hopefully it's just a "first day" thing.

Day 2: Tuesday

• I continue to have a hard time slowing down my exercise. I do a little yoga and limit myself to Tracy Anderson arms and abs. It's not easy especially given how much ghee (i.e. fat) I know I'm ingesting each morning. I hope to get a walk in today though--the weather is so gorgeous! 
• My husband had me awake a lot last night with the various noises he makes in his sleep. I decide not to mention it today, in contrast to what I usually do. It seems like telling him after the fact, when he can do nothing to change things, isn't "non-harming". 
• I feel slower and more relaxed somehow (or it it weak?). I'm more easily aware of my belly breathing, and when I tighten my facial muscles (which I do a lot).
• My hair is not right, even though I used limited massage oil on my head last night. 
• I'm not hungry for breakfast, and I'm wondering whether I should eat kitchari until I'm full or the full serving, given its a long way to lunch. I need to follow the two-palm rule more often (mine are small)! I end up eating 3/4, but once at work I panic slightly as I'm hungry again. I drink more warm water and it helps. (I'm getting better at the warm water!) By 11am I'm only slightly hungry. 
• I eat my lunch too fast, and my stomach doesn't feel well before even drinking the red root tincture water. I decide to save my whey protein shake for later, and wonder if that counts as a (forbidden) snack? Probably. In general the red root stuff is less offensive. I accidentally refrigerate it in my lunch sack, and hope that isn't a problem.
• After work I again eat 3/4 of my kitchari out on the deck, and call my mom and some old friends I've lost touch with. I decide that although my husband is fantastic, I still need a wider support system. Relationships have been difficult to maintain, especially with everyone not dancing as much and going their separate ways. I double the spices in my next batch of kitchari.
• During my evening bath I decide to face some difficult emotions I've been avoiding, which were stirred up by two different situations today. For the 20 minutes I don't read, but try to get in touch with my feelings. I manage to cry just a little. Not a total release or anything, but it's something, since I'm not a crier. I theorize this as a root cause of an issue I've been struggling with for a little while now (which is a possible topic for a future blog post). I feel amazed that I'm alive, given what my mother and grandmother went through in their lives. I consider that I'm out of balance again: I used to dance too much, but maybe now I'm too far into the yoga, meditation, and nutrition and not having enough dancing fun. Though I'd been wondering why the heck I signed up for Boston Tea Party, part of me starts to look forward to it. 
• I love that I happened to do this cleanse so that it fell on the vernal equinox / first day of spring! I think I should do this yearly.

Day 3: Wednesday

• I meditate outside on the front porch this morning. It's lovely. The gym is also good, but I am running late and feeling a bit of the fear I always associate with that. I hope my morning kitchari holds me until lunch, given the good walk I had. 
• I end up having a walking one-on-one this morning right before lunch, and am surprisingly, minimally hungry! I eat my kitchari mindfully and then have my shake. 
• Two colleagues give me unexpected gifts, which makes me smile! Also, during a meeting I end up being funny with my notes and people notice (in a positive way). 
• Work gets a little crazy in the afternoon but I somehow multitask without the stress I normally feel. Even driving home, stuck in traffic, hungry and knowing I should have eaten by 6pm, it isn't at the same level at all. Listening to Wayne Dyer's Making the Shift doesn't hurt either! 
• I wonder how I'm going to do eight teaspoons of ghee tomorrow morning. Tomorrow is already day four--making my kitchari for the last time I feel sad; I was just getting into the routine. It has been so easy to do each night -- I have it down to a science and had to plan so much less. And it does taste much better fresh each day!

Day 4: Thursday

• I've been sleeping so well, both last night and the night before. I wonder why I ever got out of the "no-technology/water after 9pm and evening meditation" routine. 
• I am amazed that today's my last day. I take my ghee and meditation on the front porch again, since it's another beautiful day! The 8 tsp. of ghee is OK going down, but after light yoga and the Bar Method I feel slightly nauseous.
• I got way too much oil in my hair last night, and haven't been able to get it all out.
• I have a really great afternoon -- overall I feel very productive and at ease at work, even though I'm very busy. At 4:30pm though, I'm starving and I feel shaky. I decide to have tea. I will NOT break this cleanse in the final hours!
• What is it about a cleanse/detox that makes everything just seem easier? Is it the food (i.e. because kitchari and ghee is grounding for my vata-pitta constitution)? Is it feeling like I have that "permission" to take time for: self care activities like baths and massages; a mental "vacation" from stress; less strenuous workouts? Is it because I'm focused on the cleansing process? Why can't every day be like this--just easy! That would be awesome! I think it can be, if I allow it.
• I mess up the order of the day 4 final steps: I eat, then drink some red root tincture water, then prune juice, then dandelion tea while taking a bath and waiting for the "may or may not happen" laxative effect. Several hours later, there are no observable issues (or laxative effect)!

The Day and Night After: Friday / Saturday

• I can't get over how nice my skin is. "Radiant" I think, catching myself staring at my face in the mirror while getting ready for work. :-) I'm looking forward to a breakfast that isn't kitchari, although I'm taking leftovers for lunch. I feel so grounded and balanced between both feet. I do a light jog at the gym. I am very mindful during my shower, and makeup application. I lost 2 lbs, but I don't care, given all the other benefits!
• I have another busy yet productive day at work. A few times I feel like I've helped people, and that makes me feel good.
• My husband and I have a nice dinner out. I immediately divide my plate into the two portions it is, take half home, and have chocolate yogurt at home for dessert (proper portions). I pack a Sensible Medley snack and get ready to head out to Boston Tea Party for some dancing.
• I feel good listening to a friend while driving to the dance, and enjoy seeing people. I dance with a very sweet old man who tries to teach me how to Mambo on the West Coast Swing dance floor. I don't turn a single leader down, and I'm having a nice time.
• Around midnight, my ego comes out in full force, though I only recognize it after the fact. Disappointed but comforting myself with some compassion, I decide to head out. I manage to meditate and do alternate nostril breathing before finally getting to sleep around 1am.
• I wake up naturally at 5:20am, try to go back to sleep, and am up again at 5:45. I do my regular morning routine, but I have a headache and feel cranky, short of breath, dehydrated (even after drinking tons of water last night) and antsy. I feel like this just re-affirms the choices I've made over the last few months, and predict that my dance career may remain on hold for awhile.

Anyone else have a detox / cleanse experience you want to share? I'd love to hear about it.