Getting What You Want from a Spring Cleanse

I did my first cleanse in the fall of 2011, not knowing much about what to expect. I didn't have many ideas about what I wanted to get out of it, other than in a general sense (i.e. get healthier). And, I had *no* idea that a cleanse was only partially related to nutrition.

Since I've had more time to explore cleanses, I thought I'd share with you some of my criteria for a "good" one, as well as some thoughts as I prepare for a 7-day spring cleanse I'm starting this coming Sunday.

If you're about to embark on a spring cleanse yourself, hopefully this will give you some useful things to consider about before you begin.

My criteria for a "good" cleanse 

• I must be able to eat actual, solid food
• The food must be somewhat simple to prepare, preferably in advance
• The food must be possible to transport and eat on the run (not ideal I know, but it's reality)
• I must have enough energy to be able to keep up my exercise program (since it's a primary stress reliever)
• I should still be able to enjoy eating out with friends
• Any recommended supplements should be readily available (e.g. at Whole Foods)

I no longer entertain the idea of doing a cleanse that does not meet these criteria, because there's no point.  I've learned to listen to what does and doesn't seem to work for me.

My upcoming spring cleanse
I'm not going to share which cleanse I'm starting on Sunday yet--I promise to blog about it when it's over (and possibly during the week if I feel called to). But, here's what I hope to get out of this one:

1. Lose 3-5 pounds, to get me back on track to losing all the weight I've put on over the past few years from emotional eating (a reasonable goal)
2. Get me back off caffeine, which I'd done well with until recently, when it took over my life more than ever due to stress and a busy schedule
3. Force me to slow down and take more time for self-care (again!)

And here are my answers to the suggested, pre-cleanse journaling questions:

• My 3 most physically toxic behaviors: binging / overeating, drinking alcohol, caffeine
• My 3 most toxic habits of mind: self-criticism, pessimism, thinking I need to be busy to feel safe
• My 3 most toxic relationships: with myself, with my work, with people who are trying to be supportive and help me during a difficult time
• What my life would look and feel like without these behaviors, habits, and relationships: empty and meaningless. It's therefore necessary not to give them up, but to explore and change how I react to them.

Which is pretty much the story of my life: battling my own internal demons. I've been reading in The Gift of Our Compulsions that fighting one's demons is pretty futile, and that engaging with them in a respectful, forgiving conversation is the key to long-lasting self-acceptance and peace. Perhaps that should be goal #4, or at least part of the self-care I explore in #3.

Comments welcome. Stay tuned....

What Do I Suck At?

A few weeks ago, I found myself at an interesting blog post titled "What do you suck at?" by Danielle LaPorte.

For the most part, I feel like we're all too critical of ourselves and one another, yet the title intrigued me. Once I read the post, I was pleased at how positive an experience the exercise sounded, and so I decided that I would try it.

Here is my list:

• I have no patience. I want everything done now. I want to get everywhere ASAP. On the flip side, I have a bad habit of responding too quickly. I can be impulsive. When walking or driving, I get frustrated when others doddle. I have the optimally efficient route to everywhere.
• Likely related, I have trouble slowing down & relaxing. I multi-task like mad, and I can't sit still, really listening to the Universe, really paying super close attention, enjoying nature, the moment, etc. without a LOT of struggle. I stand at my desk at work. I can't take naps (unless I'm pretty sick). Every time I decide to free up my personal schedule, it ends up getting full again. Meditation and yoga are ways that I've found to create this for myself a little bit though.
  
• I suck at math. I know it's stereotypical, and it's ridiculous given that I work for a company that's named after the subject. (Thankfully, it's not a highly used skill for my particular position.) I blame it on my 7th grade math teacher, where is when I started doing poorly. It's most annoying when I'm at a restaurant and I need to split the bill with someone, or need to figure out a tip. And yeah, there's a good app for that. :-)
• I'm a recipe junkie. I collect and organize more recipes (hard and soft copy) than I will probably ever be able to make in my life.
• I find it difficult to trust / have faith. My life has been filled with pretty harsh conditions, with lots of close people abandoning me in one form or another. It's more likely these days that it's a self-fulfilling prophesy, but I don't think it started that way.
• I suck at making decisions. This is a newer one for me, again likely related to the previous. My husband makes me flip a coin and then asks me how I feel about what the result was, just to be sure I'm really sure. And sometimes I still regret my decision.
• I have trouble with hugs. My yoga teacher training at Kripalu was quite a challenge. A month of people seeing me, touching me, hugging me. Something I'm not at all used to. I'm not sure I'll ever be completely comfortable with it, but sometimes I try, and sometimes it's OK.
• I'm not photogenic. From my early class photo days where my mom would always frown in disappointment, getting a "good" photo of me is a lot trickier than it sounds. Even before LASIK I blinked predictably on every flash, or I'm making a funny face, my hair's sticking up, etc.

Ah. Writing all that down actually felt liberating! So, what's your list? Own it. You'll feel better. :-)

Tell Your Story

Today's post is a guest blog from Erica Trestyn. I met Erica at the Institute for the Psychology of Eating workshop I went to last month. I hope your find her message as insightful and inspiring as I did.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” - Dr. Seuss

For many years I have been ashamed to tell my story I have been ashamed for anyone to find out “my big secret”. Even now I have a hard time telling people that I am a recovering food addict and compulsive eater. I don’t want anyone to know how much food consumes every part of my life. How much I think about what to eat and what not to eat. I don’t want anyone to know that I used to make batches of chocolate chip cookies from scratch just to eat the raw cookie dough. I don’t want anyone to know how much I love to eat food.

Recently I have come to realize that what makes me most vulnerable is in fact my biggest strength. I am learning that in order to help heal myself from my compulsion to eat I need to expose my truth. Sharing my story can be difficult. It takes me back to a place that makes me uncomfortable. When I reflect back on my past and the person I used to be I am reminded of that scared and lonely fat girl who is hiding from the world. I am reminded of a girl who is self-conscious and insecure. I am reminded of a girl who I never want to be again. What I remind myself of is that when I expose my story and share my truth I don’t feel alone anymore. I know that through the sharing of my story I make it possible for others to share their own stories. I hope that in the sharing of this story you will feel inspired to share your own.

My Story
My “weight issue” has been with me for as long as I can remember. When I was seven, I went on my first diet. I was “not allowed” to eat certain foods and believed I was “good” when I ate what I was supposed to. By the time I was ten years old, I was sneaking cookies up to my room and eating them in secret under the bed. Before becoming a teenager I had been on weight watchers twice, seen a nutritionist, and been in a special program recommended by the doctor for overweight kids.

Dieting continued way into High school. I tried many forms of therapy and support groups for compulsive over eaters. For so long I felt like people were judging me based on what I ate. I began to judge myself in the same way. I was “good” when I ate what I was “supposed to” and “bad" when I didn’t follow the rules. After seeing that nothing seemed to be working my parents relinquished control over my eating habits. For the first time in my life I felt free and in control. I was finally “allowed” to eat whatever I wanted. I began to eat without thinking of the consequences. Without thinking about what I was doing to my body or myself. I gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted and once I did I couldn’t stop. I left High School weighing almost 300 lbs.

I stayed obese for a long time. I was not ready to let go of my unhealthy habits, nor did I want to. It was nice to have control over my eating and I wanted to remain in control. I didn’t like the feeling of other people controlling what I was “allowed” to do. Control is something that I still struggle with. Even now that I have lost 150 lbs and I am not binging on food I struggle with finding the right balance. I don’t want to restrict my eating habits too much because I am afraid that will lead to binge eating. I also don’t want to give myself permission to eat whatever I want because I am afraid I won’t be able to stop. I still feel like it's not fair that I always have to “watch what I eat” and at times I get frustrated with my healing process, but I do know that I am making tremendous progress.

Over the past ten years I have gained tremendous strength and wisdom. I know that being in control is something I need to learn to let go of and that if I do start to get “out of control” with my eating habits I now have the tools to be able to stop. Learning to love myself and heal my spirit is a daily practice. I am honored to be able to share my most important tools with you.

Focus On Feeling Good
Focus on what you can change, not what you can’t. This also translates into focus on feeling good on the inside. I challenge you to count how many times you think something negative about yourself throughout the day. When I first did this I stopped counting after a few hours because the number became too overwhelming. Once I realized how much I was putting myself down I understood why I felt so insecure. I decided that I needed to change the way I thought. I began to flip that negative self-talk into positive talk.

Each time you catch yourself saying something negative, turn it into something positive. Negative self-talk: "I hate myself, I am so fat":: Positive self-talk: "I choose to love my body today no matter what." Say this positive affirmation as often as you need. Post it in a place around your house where you’ll see it all of the time, or program it like a reminder into your smart phone.

Learn To Let Go

“Wisdom comes with what you let go of, not what you hold onto.” -Unknown

If we start to sweat the small stuff we create anxiety. When we hold onto anxiety we can never truly learn to live within the moment. Allow yourself to be angry, sad, depressed, or lonely. Then allow yourself to let it go. When we hold onto to our past too much we can never truly experience the here and now. Once I began to let go of “my weight issue” I was finally able to change the way I thought and felt about myself. What are you holding onto? Usually those are the very same things you need to learn to let go of.

This is something that takes daily practice. Moment by moment we have the power to change the way we think, believe, and feel about ourselves. We have the power to re-create our thoughts, beliefs, and actions. Every time you catch yourself saying something negative about yourself, acknowledge it, observe it, and then challenge it. Begin your day with a positive affirmation: “I am getting better and better every day in every way.” Repeat throughout the day as needed. You don’t need to say it aloud, just changing your thinking can have powerful results on your actions.

About Erica

Erica Trestyn, MA, HHC
Holistic Health Counselor. Soft Spoken Teacher. Powerfully Passionate Motivator. Creative Spiritual Being.

Erica is the owner of Cultivate Nourishment LLC. Her personal story has provided tremendous inspiration. She healed herself from morbid obesity, loosing over 150 lbs, and changed her life. After a career as a New York City public school art teacher for 6 years she enrolled in the Institute For Integrative Nutrition in 2012 and received her certification as a Holistic Health Counselor. This allowed her to pursue her passion for educating others about health and wellness. Everyday she strives to cultivate more joy, peace, and love into her life by empowering others to nourish themselves.

Website: www.CultivateNourishment.com
Facebook: Facebook.com/CultivateNourishment
Follow: @EricaTrestyn

A practical path to forgiveness

Countless articles and books tell us that forgiving others who have hurt or otherwise wronged us is beneficial to our health. While not necessarily condoning or forgetting the poor behavior of others, ideally we want to free ourselves from the weight and stress imposed on our bodies, minds, and hearts by holding grudges large or small. That makes sense in theory, but I'm a pretty practical person. I like knowing how to approach intangible and challenging tasks like forgiveness!

Last October I was feeling somewhat despondent and ended up speaking with a fabulous psychic named Tina Michelle. She really seemed to know what I was going through, and also saw my longstanding non-relationship with my parents. She introduced me to the Hoʻoponopono practice of forgiveness, which is a repetition of the mantra "I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you."

Tina instructed me to repeat this mantra to myself 3 times a day for 30 days. This meant I was saying it  once for myself, once for my father, and once for my mother. She warned me about how it might feel, describing it initially as "being pulled through gravel", then sticks, and then grass. Eventually it would feel smooth--an indication that the last hooks in me were gone.

Armed with a plan and my Google calendar reminders, I dutifully took my Ho'oponopono prescription. I repeated the mantra in my head during both my morning and evening meditations, as well as mid-day when I was in the restroom and happened to think of it (or after dinner if I forgot in the midst of work day busyness).

Initially, it was pretty challenging. My first thought was, "Why am I asking for forgiveness from you, when you're the one who hurt me and who I'm supposed to be trying to forgive?" It felt backwards, and a part of me was angry and puzzled at why I had to say things I clearly didn't mean. Another part of me considered that I may have had some contribution to the negative situation, but since I was only a child at the time, I did this by being open to Louise Hay's theory that as souls, we choose our parents and life challenges well before we're born. This helped me get over some early resistance. Over time, I started picturing each person as I recited the mantra as best I could. Sometimes--even though it was difficult--I envisioned hugging each person (including myself as a child).

Now, I'd never been one for corny-sounding things like psychics or the "loving your inner child" stuff, but I will say the practice did get easier with time. In fact, before the month was up I considered stopping but didn't (because I'm a pretty diligent rule-follower by nature). I found it got easier still, to a point where I wondered whether I was still doing it right. In retrospect, I suppose that was the transition from glass to smoothness Tina mentioned.

****

Some time ago I felt inspired to draft an email to my mom, who I intentionally hadn't spoken to in several years. I figured I could always write it and not send it. However, I did send it and released the outcome to the Universe. Perhaps not coincidentally I sent the email on December 1, after having done the Ho'oponopono practice during November 2011. I hadn't realized this until just now--at the time, it just felt like the thing to do.

In the interest of helping someone else let go of angst they don't need, I pass along this story and the Hoʻoponopono practice. May you all find increased health and wellness through forgiveness.