Why I Said "Goodbye" to my IUD

Making the deal

I wish with my whole heart that I could make a deal with some higher power that's controlling the Universe. I'd like to stand before him/her/it, along with any woman who desperately wants children and has been trying everything to conceive, kind of how one might stand before a judge. I want to voluntarily sign over any child-bearing ability I have to someone who really desires it. Then she can have a lovely child and be an awesome mother, and I would never have to worry about birth control again.

The mommy gene

A baby handed to me in 2010.

I don't have what I call the "mommy gene". I've never wanted kids. I've had countless people in my life tell me I'd change my mind (especially when I got married). But I'm practically 40 and it just hasn't happened. And I honestly don't feel I'm missing out on anything. With most babies or kids, I don't even know what to do, so I usually avoid them. I'm not good at cooing and cuddling and I can't talk to them. There have been a few "old soul" kids I seem to do OK with, but they're few and far between. I like my life. I like the freedom. I completely respect those who have chosen to be parents. Wow, that's hard. There's no way you can't screw up your kids somehow. Call me a coward, but I just don't want that responsibility. I'm still working through piles of my own shit!

Don't fix what's not broken

I'd been on birth control pills since I was 16. I never had any trouble remembering to take them, and they worked great. I think I gained a few pounds but nothing terrible. I had much lighter periods: about 4 days, maybe a little cramping at the beginning. Then in 2013 I got even more holistic, and when my acupuncturist suggested the idea that I get off the hormones, I thought about it more seriously.

In truth, I went to my OB-GYN wanting to get Essure. But I trusted her when she talked me into the Paraguard IUD, which was my second choice. It's copper, and has no hormones. Once I had it, I could look forward to menopause and never even have to have it taken out because it'd be good until my eggs weren't.

The "Installation"

Maybe it's too many years of working in hi-tech, but I always refer to a day in May 2013 as the day my IUD was "installed." I was a bit nervous and I won't say it wasn't uncomfortable, but I'm sure it's nothing compared to childbirth! Right after it was installed, what I primarily noticed was discomfort and cramping in my left lower abdomen. I heard a lot of gurgling, kind of like one might have before explosive diarrhea. When the doctor came back in I told her this; she said she'd not heard of that before, but didn't think it was a big deal. Off I went, never having to think about birth control again. Ha!

Rough adjustment periods

The first few weeks after having the IUD installed, I had terrible cramps. At one point, I was awake in the middle of the night lying on my bedroom floor in agony, wondering whether I should go to the emergency room. I didn't, and thankfully that subsided. My first couple periods were rough. At least 7-8 days, with one unbelievably heavy day following the seeming "ending" of the thing. I remember being at a new job, on the phone with the doctor, worrying about how much I was bleeding because they said if it was "excessive" there might be a problem. What was "excessive"? Changing tampons every hour or so. OK, so I was lucky. I only had to change every two, and boy did I get really bad cramps anytime it was close to being time for a change! Not to mention those same intense cramps every time I was hungry, or had to use the toilet.

A New "Normal"

Over one year later, things had stabilized. I still got my period regularly, for at least 8 days each time. And as soon as the period stopped, I knew I still had the heavy day to look forward to, but now at least I traveled prepared and didn't freak out about it. There were at least 2 days of terribly heavy cramps in there. I don't usually take any OTC meds, but a few times yeah, I took an Advil but it didn't do much. My last period with the IUD, July 2014, lasted from the 15th to the 19th (the heavy day), and then on July 24-25 I was having terrible cramps but no bleeding. That's about a week and a half a month being miserable.

The amount of tampons and panty liners I went through was incredible. Holy cow. I also had weird spotting in between, especially after urinating, that required me to wear panty liners all the time because I was never sure what might happen. So much money and waste on tampons, not to mention always having to be near a restroom!

What's worse was that on numerous occasions I could feel the thing inside me. Kind of like I had a tampon in, but didn't. And it was always at that left side of my abdomen, where I felt it from day 1. Because I could feel it, I kept thinking the IUD was misplaced, or moving around in a way it shouldn't be. I went to to a med clinic the first time I had the spotting because that seemed odd, yet they assured me all was fine and it looked good. That led to not wanting to be intimate with anyone because, well, something could be wrong with my IUD and I could end up pregnant. Of course that defeats the entire purpose of the thing, which is to "set it and forget it."

And although my stress levels had decreased dramatically with a career change and a move over the past year, trying to physically relax enough at night to fall and stay asleep had been near impossible, especially around my period. For several months before I got the IUD removed, I was sleeping less than 3 hours a night for about 4 consecutive days. Exhaustion isn't fun folks!

The Decision

So, there was no "medical" reason why I decided to have my IUD removed. Every doctor who looked at it and heard my stories described my experiences as "normal". However, the sense that my body just didn't like the thing continued to grow over time. Sure, I might be healthier because I was off hormones, but my quality of life had gone down, I was damaging the environment with all my feminine product usage, and I had a copper "T", a totally foreign object, stuck inside me.

Freedom?

I write this post after terminating my relationship with my IUD. Although I'd read several blog posts about women just pulling them out on their own with no issue, I thought it would be better to have a professional around in case there was any issue. I was a bit nervous about the removal, but I used my mad meditation skills (and some loving support) to get through it, and it wasn't bad. What happened? Two severe cramps on that left side of my abdomen as it was taken out. I'm told I might have spotting, that I might not have a normal period for a few months after re-starting the pill on Sunday. But, I hope that in a few months time, those good old hormones will have me thinking about my period so much less than my IUD ever did!

Note: I feel there's really no good answer when it comes to birth control. But, I share this story to encourage women to weigh all the pros and cons, and above all, to listen to their bodies when it comes to these things! Even if nothing "appears" wrong, your body knows what's right for you. TRUST IT.

The Gift of Self Care

This is the time of year that many of us are running around, trying to find gifts for others. Given how many people have told me that I'm too hard on myself and need to take better care of myself lately, I've decided to try and actually do it. (Of course people have been telling me that for years!)

Today I wanted to share a couple things I'm finding helpful:

• I signed up for the 30 Days of Self Love Challenge. Nicole sends emails with daily activities, and there's a Facebook group to help support you as you go through this. I started late, but found yesterday's exercise to be particularly useful. Essentially you wrote down on a piece of paper everything you didn't like about yourself, then read it and absorbed how that made you feel. Then, you say aloud, "I love you anyway" as you burn the paper. Although it took me lighting the paper 5 times to get it to completely burn (hmmmm....do you think I might be holding on??), it did feel like a real release, and now I find myself saying "I love you anyway" to lots of thoughts that come up.
  
• I decided to track at least one thing that I'm grateful for every day. Before bed, I write a couple of words on my (real wall) calendar. I figure that way, if I'm ever feeling really low, I can look at the calendar and see all the things I've been grateful for over the past days or weeks. 
  
• Instead of just having a morning routine (with which I've fallen off the wagon and need to get back on), I've decided to create a little "unwinding" evening / before bed routine. One thing is to add to the calendar as described above. I also love Shiva Rea's Moon Flow, so I'm doing that. (She has a downloadable one here.) And self-Reiki is not only healing for me, but practice as well. (I'm going for Level II in January!)

Anyway, in the interest of self-care this weekend, i.e. not spending my day stressing about writing a complicated post, here it is. Hopefully still useful and informative! 

Simplify, Simplify, Simplify

"Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify."

Today my post is inspired by Henry David Thoreau and his classic work, Walden Pond. It's a short post, because I've spent most of the afternoon clearing out stuff I don't really need: clothes, purses, shoes, jewelry. I feel so free.

A different me, one that was overly concerned with looking fabulous on the outside instead of being truly authentic, purchased all these things over the past few years--and I won't lie, I often had fun shopping!. But if the past few years have shown me anything, it's that there are truly more important things in life than material goods.

The bags you see below will be donated to Planet Aid: it's as easy as driving to the supermarket and throwing them in a bin. 

Not inspired to purge your closets anytime soon? Well, if you're still feeling a bit selfish, also know that as a result of this effort, I'm able to get rid of the wobbly shoe tree, all my handbags fit on my holder, and all my clothes fit in one closet (with room to spare). Benefits all around.