Making the deal
I wish with my whole heart that I could make a deal with some higher power that's controlling the Universe. I'd like to stand before him/her/it, along with any woman who desperately wants children and has been trying everything to conceive, kind of how one might stand before a judge.
I want to voluntarily sign over any child-bearing ability I have to someone who really desires it. Then she can have a lovely child and be an awesome mother, and I would never have to worry about birth control again.
The mommy gene
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| A baby handed to me in 2010. |
I don't have what I call the "mommy gene".
I've never wanted kids. I've had countless people in my life tell me I'd change my mind (especially when I got married). But I'm practically 40 and it just hasn't happened. And I honestly don't feel I'm missing out on anything. With most babies or kids, I don't even know what to do, so I usually avoid them. I'm not good at cooing and cuddling and I can't talk to them. There have been a few "old soul" kids I seem to do OK with, but they're few and far between. I like my life. I like the freedom. I completely respect those who have chosen to be parents. Wow, that's hard. There's no way you can't screw up your kids somehow. Call me a coward, but I just don't want that responsibility. I'm still working through piles of my own shit!
Don't fix what's not broken
I'd been on birth control pills since I was 16. I never had any trouble remembering to take them, and they worked great. I think I gained a few pounds but nothing terrible. I had much lighter periods: about 4 days, maybe a little cramping at the beginning. Then in 2013 I got even more holistic, and
when my acupuncturist suggested the idea that I get off the hormones, I thought about it more seriously.
In truth, I went to my OB-GYN wanting to get
Essure. But I trusted her when she talked me into the
Paraguard IUD, which was my second choice. It's copper, and has no hormones. Once I had it, I could look forward to menopause and never even have to have it taken out because it'd be good until my eggs weren't.
The "Installation"
Maybe it's too many years of working in hi-tech, but I always refer to a day in May 2013 as the day my IUD was "installed." I was a bit nervous and I won't say it wasn't uncomfortable, but I'm sure it's nothing compared to childbirth! Right after it was installed, what I primarily noticed was
discomfort and cramping in my left lower abdomen. I heard a lot of gurgling, kind of like one might have before explosive diarrhea. When the doctor came back in I told her this; she said she'd not heard of that before, but didn't think it was a big deal. Off I went, never having to think about birth control again. Ha!
Rough adjustment periods
The first few weeks after having the IUD installed, I had terrible cramps. At one point,
I was awake in the middle of the night lying on my bedroom floor in agony, wondering whether I should go to the emergency room. I didn't, and thankfully that subsided. My first couple periods were rough. At least 7-8 days, with one unbelievably heavy day following the seeming "ending" of the thing. I remember being at a new job, on the phone with the doctor, worrying about how much I was bleeding because they said if it was "excessive" there might be a problem. What was "excessive"? Changing tampons every hour or so. OK, so I was lucky. I only had to change every two, and boy did I get really bad cramps anytime it was close to being time for a change! Not to mention those same intense cramps every time I was hungry, or had to use the toilet.
A New "Normal"
Over one year later, things had stabilized.
I still got my period regularly, for at least 8 days each time. And as soon as the period stopped, I knew I still had the heavy day to look forward to, but now at least I traveled prepared and didn't freak out about it. There were at least 2 days of terribly heavy cramps in there. I don't usually take any OTC meds, but a few times yeah, I took an Advil but it didn't do much. My last period with the IUD, July 2014, lasted from the 15th to the 19th (the heavy day), and then on July 24-25 I was having terrible cramps but no bleeding.
That's about a week and a half a month being miserable.
The
amount of tampons and panty liners I went through was incredible. Holy cow. I also had weird spotting in between, especially after urinating, that required me to wear panty liners all the time because I was never sure what might happen. So much money and waste on tampons, not to mention always having to be near a restroom!
What's worse was that on numerous occasions
I could feel the thing inside me. Kind of like I had a tampon in, but didn't. And it was always at that left side of my abdomen, where I felt it from day 1. Because I could feel it, I kept thinking the IUD was misplaced, or moving around in a way it shouldn't be. I went to to a med clinic the first time I had the spotting because that seemed odd, yet they assured me all was fine and it looked good. That led to not wanting to be intimate with anyone because, well, something could be wrong with my IUD and I could end up pregnant.
Of course that defeats the entire purpose of the thing, which is to "set it and forget it."
And although my stress levels had decreased dramatically with a career change and a move over the past year,
trying to physically relax enough at night to fall and stay asleep had been near impossible, especially around my period. For several months before I got the IUD removed, I was sleeping less than 3 hours a night for about 4 consecutive days. Exhaustion isn't fun folks!
The Decision
So, there was no "medical" reason why I decided to have my IUD removed. Every doctor who looked at it and heard my stories described my experiences as "normal". However, the sense that my body just didn't like the thing continued to grow over time. Sure, I might be healthier because I was off hormones, but my quality of life had gone down, I was damaging the environment with all my feminine product usage, and I had a copper "T", a totally foreign object, stuck inside me.
Freedom?
I write this post after terminating my relationship with my IUD. Although I'd read several blog posts about women just pulling them out on their own with no issue, I thought it would be better to have a professional around in case there was any issue. I was a bit nervous about the
removal, but I used my mad meditation skills (and some loving support) to get through it, and it wasn't bad. What happened? Two severe cramps on that left side of my abdomen as it was taken out. I'm told I might have spotting, that I might not have a normal period for a few months after re-starting the pill on Sunday. But, I hope that in a few months time,
those good old hormones will have me thinking about my period so much less than my IUD ever did!
Note: I feel there's really no good answer when it comes to birth control. But, I share this story to encourage women to weigh all the pros and cons, and above all, to
listen to their bodies when it comes to these things! Even if nothing "appears" wrong, your body knows what's right for you. TRUST IT.
