Transform Your Eating Habits

I'm going out on a limb with this week's post, publicizing a highly personal struggle about which I feel very vulnerable. And, I trust that you, my loyal readers will forgive and support me.

"What Girls Do When They're Upset"
Back in the late 90s, when my fiancé Kevin and I broke up a few months before our wedding, a mutual (male) friend stopped by with a pint of Ben & Jerry's. I appreciated his kindness, and I never forgot that moment, because I remember truly being perplexed at why he brought me ice cream. "I thought that's what girls did when they were upset," he said innocently. "They ate whole pints of ice cream."

How times have changed. It's 10 years later and I'm finally married (to a different Kevin). I have a house in the suburbs and a high-tech job. On the side I love to exercise (I recently started running), I dance West Coast Swing, and I'm starting to teach yoga and meditation. I collect healthy recipes like they were going out of style, and although I love to eat out, I also cook a lot myself. I also post about health and wellness topics on this blog every week. I do all these activities to counteract stress, which is rampant in my job and in society at large. Maintaining optimal health and wellness in the face of life's daily challenges is very important to me.

And, I have developed a problem with food. I've come up with (and have heard from others) all sorts of theories about why I've struggled with compulsive eating for almost a year now, binging and overeating (sometimes daily for weeks at a time) before getting a handle on it again. "It started when you first tried that Yoga Journal detox." "I was so sad when my best friend in the world moved across country and stopped talking to me, I felt abandoned." "You're being too restrictive with your food and so your body is craving what it can't have." "I'm feeling creatively unfulfilled." And on it goes.

I've gotten fed up with the theorizing. The fact is, it doesn't really matter why it started or what it is I'm really upset about. I'm tired of digging into my past and dissecting my present. I know I have a problem, and I need to fix it or risk further damaging my body and mind.

One Strategy for Halting Compulsive Eating
Although there are many tools available, I like to establish my own strategies to tackle problems, try them out to see if they work, and revise them as necessary (or, completely replace them if they fail completely)! After all, I'm unique, and what works for someone else may or may not work for me. Here I offer up what seems to be helping me stay on track, with the intention that someone else might benefit from trying something like it, or get an idea for something else that might be equally effective.

Ironically, one of my first blog posts was about eating mindfully. Yet I find that in my maxed out, crazy busy life, this is SO HARD. I start multitasking, taking the iPad or a magazine to the table with me at breakfast and dinner. Or, I'm in a situation (i.e. in a lunch meeting at work) where I just can't focus on nourishing myself because I need to facilitate or contribute to the conversation. Or, I forget and shovel my lunch into my mouth, preoccupied with work as I sit (or stand) at my desk.

Here's what I'm trying these days that seems to be working:

• In the evening, I write a "Triggers, Emotions, and Countermeasures" email, which I send to myself and a supportive person in my life.
  
  This email is simple. I look at my schedule (work and personal) for the day. I identify any interaction I feel might become a trigger for me to eat unnecessarily. I identify the emotion(s) the situation may stir in me. I brainstorm some ideas for things I could do (besides eat) that would create that oh-so-needed pause before habit takes over and I'm riding that "binge and feel terrible" roller coaster again.
  
  Here's are two examples from an email I sent myself and my friend:
  
  10 am meeting w/ Bob (trigger) -- desire to eat from the chocolate candy bowl near his office (emotion), make a b-line for his office and don't even look at the candy! (countermeasure); fear about my ability to influence him about a project / discomfort about a potential difficult conversation if he doesn't agree with me (emotions), need to be curious about his perspective,and accept my current level of influence (countermeasures).
  
  Decision about putting Ferris down (trigger) -- fear over my ability to handle sadness / anticipated regret over being selfish vs. doing the best thing for him (emotions). Accept that there is no perfect answer and trust myself to make the best decision I can (countermeasures).
• Before each meal, I complete an online, "Pre-eating Checklist".
  
  This is a short survey I created with Google docs (and therefore accessible everywhere, including any computer or mobile device). It forces me to ask questions I wanted to think about before any food crosses my lips, including things like "Did you drink a full glass of water first?", "Is it already in your food plan for the day?", and "Did you consult your 'Triggers, Emotions, and Countermeasures' email first?" The same supportive friend has access to the survey results spreadsheet, which they can look at any time. And, the last question happens to be a very personal and highly motivating one for me.
  
  

What I've Learned So Far
Here are some things I've learned while employing this strategy over the past couple weeks:

• Some people think this is a lot of work. But if you've ever tracked your food in something like MyFitnessPal, counted calories or points, etc., you understand how quick it can be once you've gotten into a routine. And, to me, anything that helps create that slightly larger, mindful pause before I act impulsively is totally worth it. Plus, I'm done caring what other people think, especially if it's working for me!
• It only works if I actually do it. There was a fatal flaw in my plan initially: I thought most of my binging / overeating was caused by work stress, so I only used these tools during the week. I then found that I returned to binging Saturday night, as a result of some non-work related emotions.
• I found interesting themes in my emotions. Coincidentally I've been reading Emotional Intelligence 2.0. In it, Bradberry and Greaves say that "all emotions are derivations of five core feelings: happiness, sadness, anger, fear, and shame." Since I find this to be true, my emails are now more abbreviated to one of these. And although I hadn't originally considered positive emotions, the situation I described above (on the weekend) was a good example.
• And in my countermeasures too! Although there were some very specific ideas, many of my countermeasure brainstorms included phrases like, "accept what you can't change", "breathe and surrender", "love yourself as you are right now", etc. In theory I know these things, but in practice, the email (which I reread throughout the day) reminds me of them exactly when I most need to be reminded.

You Can Do It Too
If you struggle with an eating habit you’re not particularly fond of, you probably know that there are many different diets and tools out there to choose from. Some of them are good, some not so good. And that judgment may be different for different people. What works for you may not work for someone else, and vice versa. My advice? Try things, and pay attention to your body, to your mind, and to your emotions. You don’t have to accept diets or diet tools at face value. Tweak them, combine them, and play with them until you find something that works for you. And please do make something up! Personalize it. If your strategy doesn’t work, revise it. Try something else. But don’t ever give up. Your health and wellness is too important.

Tell Your Story

Today's post is a guest blog from Erica Trestyn. I met Erica at the Institute for the Psychology of Eating workshop I went to last month. I hope your find her message as insightful and inspiring as I did.

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” - Dr. Seuss

For many years I have been ashamed to tell my story I have been ashamed for anyone to find out “my big secret”. Even now I have a hard time telling people that I am a recovering food addict and compulsive eater. I don’t want anyone to know how much food consumes every part of my life. How much I think about what to eat and what not to eat. I don’t want anyone to know that I used to make batches of chocolate chip cookies from scratch just to eat the raw cookie dough. I don’t want anyone to know how much I love to eat food.

Recently I have come to realize that what makes me most vulnerable is in fact my biggest strength. I am learning that in order to help heal myself from my compulsion to eat I need to expose my truth. Sharing my story can be difficult. It takes me back to a place that makes me uncomfortable. When I reflect back on my past and the person I used to be I am reminded of that scared and lonely fat girl who is hiding from the world. I am reminded of a girl who is self-conscious and insecure. I am reminded of a girl who I never want to be again. What I remind myself of is that when I expose my story and share my truth I don’t feel alone anymore. I know that through the sharing of my story I make it possible for others to share their own stories. I hope that in the sharing of this story you will feel inspired to share your own.

My Story
My “weight issue” has been with me for as long as I can remember. When I was seven, I went on my first diet. I was “not allowed” to eat certain foods and believed I was “good” when I ate what I was supposed to. By the time I was ten years old, I was sneaking cookies up to my room and eating them in secret under the bed. Before becoming a teenager I had been on weight watchers twice, seen a nutritionist, and been in a special program recommended by the doctor for overweight kids.

Dieting continued way into High school. I tried many forms of therapy and support groups for compulsive over eaters. For so long I felt like people were judging me based on what I ate. I began to judge myself in the same way. I was “good” when I ate what I was “supposed to” and “bad" when I didn’t follow the rules. After seeing that nothing seemed to be working my parents relinquished control over my eating habits. For the first time in my life I felt free and in control. I was finally “allowed” to eat whatever I wanted. I began to eat without thinking of the consequences. Without thinking about what I was doing to my body or myself. I gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted and once I did I couldn’t stop. I left High School weighing almost 300 lbs.

I stayed obese for a long time. I was not ready to let go of my unhealthy habits, nor did I want to. It was nice to have control over my eating and I wanted to remain in control. I didn’t like the feeling of other people controlling what I was “allowed” to do. Control is something that I still struggle with. Even now that I have lost 150 lbs and I am not binging on food I struggle with finding the right balance. I don’t want to restrict my eating habits too much because I am afraid that will lead to binge eating. I also don’t want to give myself permission to eat whatever I want because I am afraid I won’t be able to stop. I still feel like it's not fair that I always have to “watch what I eat” and at times I get frustrated with my healing process, but I do know that I am making tremendous progress.

Over the past ten years I have gained tremendous strength and wisdom. I know that being in control is something I need to learn to let go of and that if I do start to get “out of control” with my eating habits I now have the tools to be able to stop. Learning to love myself and heal my spirit is a daily practice. I am honored to be able to share my most important tools with you.

Focus On Feeling Good
Focus on what you can change, not what you can’t. This also translates into focus on feeling good on the inside. I challenge you to count how many times you think something negative about yourself throughout the day. When I first did this I stopped counting after a few hours because the number became too overwhelming. Once I realized how much I was putting myself down I understood why I felt so insecure. I decided that I needed to change the way I thought. I began to flip that negative self-talk into positive talk.

Each time you catch yourself saying something negative, turn it into something positive. Negative self-talk: "I hate myself, I am so fat":: Positive self-talk: "I choose to love my body today no matter what." Say this positive affirmation as often as you need. Post it in a place around your house where you’ll see it all of the time, or program it like a reminder into your smart phone.

Learn To Let Go

“Wisdom comes with what you let go of, not what you hold onto.” -Unknown

If we start to sweat the small stuff we create anxiety. When we hold onto anxiety we can never truly learn to live within the moment. Allow yourself to be angry, sad, depressed, or lonely. Then allow yourself to let it go. When we hold onto to our past too much we can never truly experience the here and now. Once I began to let go of “my weight issue” I was finally able to change the way I thought and felt about myself. What are you holding onto? Usually those are the very same things you need to learn to let go of.

This is something that takes daily practice. Moment by moment we have the power to change the way we think, believe, and feel about ourselves. We have the power to re-create our thoughts, beliefs, and actions. Every time you catch yourself saying something negative about yourself, acknowledge it, observe it, and then challenge it. Begin your day with a positive affirmation: “I am getting better and better every day in every way.” Repeat throughout the day as needed. You don’t need to say it aloud, just changing your thinking can have powerful results on your actions.

About Erica

Erica Trestyn, MA, HHC
Holistic Health Counselor. Soft Spoken Teacher. Powerfully Passionate Motivator. Creative Spiritual Being.

Erica is the owner of Cultivate Nourishment LLC. Her personal story has provided tremendous inspiration. She healed herself from morbid obesity, loosing over 150 lbs, and changed her life. After a career as a New York City public school art teacher for 6 years she enrolled in the Institute For Integrative Nutrition in 2012 and received her certification as a Holistic Health Counselor. This allowed her to pursue her passion for educating others about health and wellness. Everyday she strives to cultivate more joy, peace, and love into her life by empowering others to nourish themselves.

Website: www.CultivateNourishment.com
Facebook: Facebook.com/CultivateNourishment
Follow: @EricaTrestyn

Petitioning the Universe

Early in her book Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert describes an activity a friend had her do while she was waiting to hear from her lawyer about whether her husband finally signed their divorce papers or not. She was feeling tortured by the whole drawn out, painful experience, and just wanted to be free. Her friend encouraged her to write a "petition to God," and once she had written down what it was she really wanted, she gave Elizabeth permission to summon signatures from all the people she could think of who would be in support of her plea. After naming close friends, family, colleagues, and so on, the list became wider, until lots of people from her life or from the world at large virtually signed her petition. Of course, in true cosmic fashion, minutes later she got the call that her divorce was final.

I started listening to this book on my iPod again while at the gym the other morning, and it occurred to me that there were one (or two, or three) things in my life where I was feeling lost about, and that this might be an interesting exercise to try. (I re-frame is as "petitioning the Universe" only because that's the term I particularly feel comfortable with, after 12 years of Catholic school ruined me for the word "God", though in theory I recognize it's all the same.)

It may be obvious, but I've never had trouble writing, so I opened up to a new page in my journal and just started writing. In about a page and a half, I spilled my guts. I wrote about things I felt tortured about, and asked for help. My last free-flow statement was, "help me find some way, some answer, some light."

And then it got weird.

I heard an answer, and I wrote it down. Not really a tangible, "do this thing now" kind of answer, but an answer nonetheless. I argued. And something responded. Two parts of me, having a dialog, back and forth. Sounding like a stubborn child and a patient adult. A lost friend, with another gently and supportively putting her back in her place, making her realize what's in her control and what's not. Reminding her of things along the way that she'd forgotten. Encouraging her to have faith, to trust, and believe that the answers will come. And that she MUST wait for them, must be patient.

Then the writing just naturally stopped. The child part didn't have any other counterpoints, and there was nothing further coming through.

Methinks I need to do this more often.

Yoga & Loss

As many folks know, my husband and I recently lost Ferris, our feline friend. In this blog post, I discuss some of the challenges of the situation from both a personal and yogic perspective.

Ferris' Story
I found Ferris at my then veterinarian near Hartford, Connecticut, back in 1999. I'll never forget the first time I saw him--a 6 month old in a cage with his "brother"--both of them looking up at me with the sweetest eyes you ever saw. Ferris' given name was Preston, and his brother's given name was Avery. I remember my face wrinkling at the thought of these two going through life with those names, and immediately adopted both.

Rattrap & Ferris as Kittens

My best friend Frank helped me rename both kitties. Rattrap came from a Transformers cartoon series; Ferris, perhaps obviously, from the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off. (It could have been worse--I remember trying to stick with the Transformers theme and wanting to name Ferris "Megatron"!) In retrospect, neither of these names really captured his personality, so he often ended up being called "boo-bah".

Ferris was terribly shy when I first brought him home. I remember starting both kittens out in my bathroom, sitting on the floor with my back leaned up against the wall, playing with Rattrap. I could feel Ferris hiding behind me. When they first started to roam my apartment, Ferris found a spot under my bed, and wouldn't come out. I remember wondering what happened to the poor fellow that made him so timid, and decided to reassure and love him all the more.

Apparently a few years of my care worked. Ferris not only became a "lap cat", but he was essentially a pose-able ball of fur. You could pick him up anytime (you'd always want to put him down before he'd want you to), you could turn him upside down, flip him over, blow on his tummy, and so on. I remember one phase where I wore him around my neck like a scarf and another where I stuffed him into the front of my overalls like a baby (yes, I had a pair) while I tooled around my condo. He was insatiable when it came to cuddles.

Around 2001, when I worked exclusively from a home office, I heard Ferris growling in the other room. Thinking he and his new buddy were about to get into another scuff (Rattrap suffered from congenital heart failure and after his third stroke, died just before his second birthday), I ignored it. But when Ferris arrived at my chair with a little red puff toy in his mouth, I sat in amazement. He dropped it at my feet; I tossed it out of the room, and he brought it back. Although we never played "fetch" like that again, Ferris often carried around his red puff, growling at the same time. I wish I had gotten a photo or video!

Ferris' other funny skill was detecting stretches. I could be in a completely different room, but the minute I got on the floor to stretch or do some yoga, Ferris could just sense it. He would find me and lay down next to me, stretching his body out long as well, or putting his head into my face. The other very unique thing about Ferris was his meow. It was of a lower tone than any other cat I'd ever heard.

Me and Ferris

Ferris was also a very finicky eater. Although he weighed 13 pounds for a lot of his life, he occasionally went on "hunger strikes"--we originally thought this was because of the ongoing struggles for dominance he still occasionally had with our other cat.

Eventually though, we though we'd discovered a non-behavioral reason for Ferris' eating issues. He was diagnosed with kidney disease in December 2009, soon after I returned from a trip to Chile and Argentina with a friend. I felt guilty, as if my going away somehow prompted his condition. From that point on, I (or my husband eventually) would administer subcutaneous fluids to Ferris every evening, and give him a pill every morning. Ferris was generally good about this--in fact, the most he'd complain was just before we put the needle in. About a year later, when his blood work was redone, we (our vet included) were all thrilled that Ferris actually seemed to have improved from the fluids. We'd given him another chance at life.

The Difficult Choice
In 2012, it became more difficult to manage Ferris' condition. He would go on hunger strikes more often, and started losing weight. Putting him on an appetite stimulant at one point sent him into an allergic reaction, warranting a trip to the kitty ER. Finding him pawing at a bloody mouth sent us back another time, only to find a rotten, half dislodged tooth as the culprit. And then the urinating started. Outside the box. First occasionally, then almost daily. When I came back from my Kripalu Yoga Teacher Training in June, my husband was at his wits end trying to manage everything. We knew Ferris was starting to decline.

A few months later, we started having conversations about the ultimate question: "when is the right time to put Ferris down?" We hated asking the question at all. Apart from the issues I mentioned, Ferris was still active and friendly--he didn't seem to be in any pain. So, we waited. Sure enough, over the next few months, the urinating got worse, Ferris got skinnier, our other cat got more neglected, and we got more stressed. We could no longer let Ferris freely roam the house while we were gone, as we'd never know where he'd urinate. When we were around and he roamed, he'd meow a lot, and sit uncomfortably on the window sill. Soon after, he seemed to start having trouble with his mouth again. When we last weighed him, he was about 7 1/2 pounds. "Stabbing" him with the fluids every night made us sad--he was all skin and bones.

After several appointments made and cancelled, we decided that Tuesday, July 31st was the day. He'd made it to his 13th birthday on the 20th, it was the end of the month, our wonderful vet at Westin Vet Clinic could do it, and we had nothing going on after work so we could process the situation afterwards.

From a yogic perspective I struggled with this. What was ahimsa here? Who gave us the right to decide when to take Ferris' life? Or was it more harming to keep him alive, hurting both of us and our other cat? And then I pondered, "who gave us the right to prolong Ferris' life with fluids when he was first diagnosed?" I'd always felt that Ferris was a human in another life--he just had that kind of soul. This made finding "the right time" all that more difficult. It wasn't the first time yoga and death had been on my mind.

Facing a Fear for Love
About a month prior to getting Ferris, I had been surprised by a diagnosis of lymphoma in my 18 year old Ivory, who had essentially grew up with me, and who I had taken with me all the way to college. When the vet told me he needed to be put down, I was in the midst of a breakup with my then fiance as well. I just couldn't handle it. I said goodbye but insisted that nothing be done until I was gone. Even once I was in the car with my fiance, I remember urging him to "just drive" so we could get out of there. So I could remember Ivory alive and well.

Unfortunately with years gone by, I ended up deeply regretting that decision. In retrospect I felt like I had completely abandoned my loving companion and childhood friend. I was determined not to have that happen this time, and I was acutely aware of how "being with my feelings" was not something I was good at. I decided to use this opportunity Ferris provided me to grow spiritually.

After preparing me with information about how it would go and what my happen, Dr. Mike left me alone with Ferris for a few moments. In that time, I whispered many things to him. I told him I loved him, that he was a good companion. I told him that I believed he was before, and that he would be again. And that he's be safe, free. Then while petting him, I chanted: "Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya" over and over. It seemed to have an effect: Ferris put his head down on his catnip mouse, purred, and relaxed.

Inner Knowing
Coming home that evening was difficult, but in the days that followed, I felt very content with our decision and completely at peace with it. That's how I knew it was the right thing to do. That's how I know it was in line with ahimsa. And then, a few days later, as I lay in shavasana (corpse pose) at the end of a gentle, yin yoga practice, I saw a vision of Ferris. It was likely inspired from a photo I looked at a few days earlier; he was stretched out long, front paws reaching toward me, floating up into the sky. He looked healthy, and it felt like he was saying goodbye, letting me know he'd be just fine. At the time I felt comforted--today the image brings tears to my eyes but I'm still certain that everything is OK, just as it is.

My First Juice Cleanse: A Mixed Blender

After a recent trip to NYC where I stumbled upon one of their stores, I was reminded of Organic Avenue, and ended up checking out their web site when I returned home. After 2 weeks of being "off my healthy eating plan," I impulsively signed up for their Deep Love Cleanse. What I didn't realize was that it was their most challenging cleanse, requiring one ingest only fruit and vegetable juices for 3-5 days.

Benefits of Juice Cleansing
A lot has been written about the benefits of cleansing in general, and particularly juice cleanses. A Google search will turn up tons of information, highlighting both pros and cons. Below are some of what I found on various sites about the reported benefits of abstaining from solid foods:

• increased energy
• deep hydration of the body
• improved digestion (after giving the body a rest from solid food)
• improved mental clarity
• improved nutrient absorption
• clearer skin
• more regular / normal elimination (i.e. alleviated constipation or diarrhea)
• removal of harmful toxins that have built up in the body
• increased metabolism / weight loss

However, it doesn't appear as though the medical or lay communities advocate juice cleansing as completely safe for everyone, or agree that such a cleanse necessarily provides all the benefits I listed above. LIVESTRONG, for example, provides several articles that talk about juice cleanses--some of illustrate benefits, others point out several potential risks. (Hey, I guess it's good to see they're largely unbiased!)

Risks & Downsides of Juice Cleansing
Here are some of the risks and downsides of juice cleansing that I've turned up:

• nutrient deficiencies (e.g. those usually obtained from protein and fat in one's diet)
• increased one's sugar intake (which can be especially harmful for those who already have medical conditions related to sugar)
• potential for side effects such as headaches, dizziness, digestive upset
• decreased energy
• increased hunger and thirst 
• loss of water weight only / regained weight upon return to solid food

Additionally, experts like Dr. Nasir Moloo have frequently been cited as stating that the body already knows how to remove toxins naturally, once one stops ingesting substances like caffeine, sugar, alcohol, processed foods, etc. So doing that instead might be more effective long term.

My Personal Experience
Since I like to reserve judgement about something until I have direct experience with it, I tried a 3-day juice cleanse, and here's what I can tell you:

• I've never felt so hydrated. Unless I'm in a tropical climate, I'm always terribly dry and dehydrated. Not so with this cleanse! Between the juices and all the water and tea in between juices, it does feel great.
• I did not abstain 100% from solid food. Even on day 1, I planned to supplement the juices I received from Organic Avenue with some fresh fruit and vegetables. Why? Based on my calculations I wouldn't be getting the medically-accepted minimum of 1200 calories a day (for women) on the juices alone. According to Mayo Clinic, fewer calories "could deprive a person of nutrients like calcium, iron, and protein." I also knew from John Doullard and Marc David's work that diet and exercise should never cause physical distress--doing so actually causes the metabolism to slow down. Also, I really just missed chewing!
• My skin did look good. That said, I've also observed this on less invasive cleanses.
• I was freezing! The Buddha cleanse I did previously warned that one might get cold as a side effect of cleansing, so I expected this. But as someone who is always cold anyway, by day 2 I was physically shivering all day at the office, and could not get warm inside.
• By the evening of day 2 I was pretty much done. Day 2 started really good--I didn't feel as though I needed as much solid food (though I ate some anyway), but by evening I was super dizzy, and my stomach was in total revolt. I tried going to bed but between the loud growling and cramping the only way I could fall asleep was to eat some Mary's Gone Crackers. Unfortunately, I woke up with the same symptoms, and on Day 3 I had soup and a rice cake for breakfast, and a salad for lunch. The solid food made me feel better, but I was also pretty irritated. Not sure whether that's because of some release of toxins, or just annoyance over this cleanse not really working for me. Having a flat stomach that hurts like hell totally isn't worth it in my book!

My Advice
First off, based on my personal experience I wouldn't recommend this particular juice cleanse. Of all the cleanses I've done, the Buddha cleanse is my absolute favorite. Through it, one is eating solid foods all along (but starting clean and reintroducing certain foods along the way if one likes), so it feels much less disruptive and supportive of long-term healthy eating habits (i.e. ones that don't zig and zag between deprivation and binging).

However, if you are going to try this particular cleanse or a juice cleanse in general because you're curious about whether it would work for you, here's what I'd recommend: 

• Find a local supplier of juice. Though most of Organic Avenue's juices were tasty, dealing with ordering, shipping, storing and trying to understand the smudged expiration dates on lots of perishable (unpasteurized) juice was difficult. During the process we had a few snafus--which they handled quite responsively--but it was a pain nonetheless.
• Do the juice cleanse with a mentor and/or group. Having someone available who knows what they're doing, can answer questions, and provide support is valuable. Working remotely with Organic Avenue, I didn't find that they provided a lot of clear instruction up front--although when I emailed specific questions, they were pretty helpful.
• Don't do a juice cleanse longer than 3 days. This is partially because of the risks I keep reading about with juice cleanses, and partially because of my personal experience and how yucky I felt. Of course, some juice cleanse creators will tell you otherwise; after all, they're likely selling you the juice! I've done much longer (food-based) cleanses before and to me, nothing but juice doesn't feel healthy for my body for very long. Maybe I gave up too soon, but when my body is revolting that violently even though I don't eat very badly in general, I have to listen and think that maybe it's really not a good thing!
• Back off intense workouts. I reluctantly gave up my running and a hot yoga class because I was worried about having the energy to do them, the low calorie intake, and the understanding that cleanses work best when you rest the body. Although I'm somewhat resentful of missing these workouts given how it all turned out, my instincts were right--I don't think there's any way I could have done my typical routine if I wanted to. (I did do yin yoga the second day, which was lovely and fitting as a somewhat restorative practice.) 

So, basically I tried this juice cleanse and I don't think it worked for me. I mean no disrespect toward Organic Avenue or their juices--in fact, many of their products are yummy and who knows, maybe when I've forgotten about this experience I'll order some of their juice again.

Or, maybe I'll just go back to making my own smoothie recipes in my new Vitamix! :-)

Yoga's Place in the Workplace: Part 3

Today I return to my "Yoga's Place in the Workplace" series with the second yama (character-building restraint) called satya. (Please see Part 1 and Part 2 if you're curious about the others.)

The Basics of the Second Yama: Truth

Satya essentially means being a person with integrity, or one who's truthful and authentic. Deep down, most people know that outright lying is wrong, but there are many more subtle ways one might struggle with being truthful and authentic, especially in some of the professional, information-based work cultures of today. We spend a lot of time at work and with our colleagues, and unfortunately it is all too common to find heaps of stress, overwork, and lightning fast change, all happening within highly-collaborative yet competitive and/or reward-based  performance systems. 

When to Speak Up

In Part 2 I talked a bit about finding your passion and discovering your personal values. Being true to your personal values while working within the context of your company's values is definitely part of being authentic. For example, if your values are in conflict with your company's and you come home from work feeling "icky" every day, can you really say you're living an authentic life? If your company has values that you firmly believe in but see being violated by colleagues on a daily basis, are you being authentic if you don't speak up? Alternatively, if you're currently seeking employment, you need to know your personal values and ask interviewers good questions to assess whether their company's values and culture are in alignment with yours before taking the job.

When to Keep Quiet

Although many of us have the best of intentions, we may have started sharing too much. (Just look at some of the stuff that shows up on Facebook!) We might think we're being helpful in passing timely, relevant information along or by responding to requests quickly, but it's important to be able to distinguish when it might be more beneficial to hold back and assess the situation more deeply before speaking or acting. The 1835 poem by Beth Day is a beautiful reminder of the questions one should ask before deciding whether or not to speak with another person:

If you are tempted to reveal
A tale to you someone has told
About another, make it pass
Before you speak, three gates of gold.
These narrow gates: First, "is it true?"
Then, "is it needful?" In your mind
Give truthful answer.  And the next
Is last and narrowest, "Is it kind?"
And if to reach your lips at last
It passes through these gateways three,
Then you may tell the tale, nor fear,
What result of speech may be.

I've often seen this written in the following summarized form (likely for easier remembering):

1. Is it true?
2. Is it necessary?
3. Is it kind?

If one answers "no" to any of these questions, the words should not be said. I especially like the idea of the third question or gate, because it ties nicely back to ahimsa, the first yama I discussed. And while it may be a somewhat arbitrary decision, determining whether certain words are "necessary" makes one pause and consider whether they are superfluous. Given how much information we (especially those of us working in high-tech industries) are bombarded with on a daily basis, this question is particularly interesting and may help to reduce the information overload many of us currently suffer from!  

How to Speak When You Do

When we do speak, communicating consciously and with compassion is critical to maintaining good working relationships. Having a positive intent is a start, but it's not always enough. We may have a difficult message to deliver (such as in a performance review), or a challenging question to pose to someone who's worked hard on a project, but how we say the words always has an effect on the listener. Even when we are frustrated with a colleague, we need to remember that it's very likely they're doing the best they can, and keep in mind they may be working within certain constraints or dealing with specific issues we may not be not privy to. "Tone" in media like e-mails, IMs, and other virtual forums can be especially challenging, so it's a good practice to take a moment to read our written words (perhaps aloud) as if we were the recipient, to see if any of our own triggers or background feelings are coming through in a way we don't really want.

I also see authenticity as a quality that's related to brahmacharya (energy management), which I discussed a few weeks ago. To be authentic, for example, I feel as though we have to take on only the commitments we truly have the energy to follow through on. We need to do what we say we will by the time we agreed to, or be honest and let our colleagues know as soon as we realize we won't make it. To me, no response to a request doesn't feel good, and so I like to be sure to get back to folks in a timely fashion, even if it's just to communicate, "I'm sorry, I'm swamped right now but I hear you and I promise to get back to you when I can."

Taking Responsibility for What's In the Background

The most challenging concept of satya (for me personally) might be the concept of owning feelings. I think times have changed, and many now acknowledge that feelings do show up in the workplace. Following the guidelines I offered above can help in developing sensitivity to co-workers' feelings and make them feel safe, but what about our own feelings and how they impact how we respond to our work environments? If we have triggers based on past work or personal experiences, they can and do show up in the office. I don't believe there's any way to compartmentalize people. We are whole, and have to manage our various parts (perhaps differently) in each of our environments. Identifying what our triggers are ahead of time, cultivating self-awareness so we can detect when they are having an impact on our integrity or authenticity, and taking steps to manage our feelings and responses to colleagues when they trigger us can go a long way in keeping our work relationships rewarding and productive.  

Daily Practice

For me, the easiest technique for practicing satya has been to think about the three questions. Try it next time you're in the office, and let me know how you make out!

Princesses, Queens, and Life's Evolving Questions

Today is my birthday.

When I was about to turn 30, several people asked me how I felt about this milestone day. And I remember feeling completely at peace and content about it. There were no concerns, no worries about getting older. In fact, I felt empowered moving out of my 20s. I had a stable job. I owned my own condo. I had friends and fun dances to go to several nights a week. If I stayed home, it was because I wanted to, not because I had no one to hang out with. For the first time in my life, I acknowledged that I could be happy without having to be in a relationship. And, I started to understand that if I happened to be in one, I still had some control and choice about things would go.

But now that I'm inching closer to the next big milestone, I find myself asking deeper, more challenging questions. Things like:

• What is my contribution to the world? What is my true calling?
• Have I really let go of all that doesn't serve me? How do I dissolve fear?
• How can I be of more service to others? How can I inspire other people?
• Is it possible to fully feel desire, yet live a life of healthy moderation?
• Does risk taking necessitate giving up all semblance of stability?
• How can I experience life more fully? How can I die free of regrets?

In addition to tooling around the city and checking out one too many vegan and gluten free restaurants, I went to New York this weekend to attend a workshop offered by Marc David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. The workshop was fantastic and contained more valuable pieces of information than I could share here, but I think one facet is particularly relevant. Marc shared with a rapt audience two archetypes of female energy: the princess and the queen.

He described a princess as a woman between 0-30 years old who is young, and thus largely unknown to herself. She is in need of validation and protection from outside. She's susceptible to "spells", or influences from others' opinions and suggestions. Her own negative thought patterns and beliefs can put her to "sleep", or cause her to suppress her feminine energy for the sake of being accepted and loved by others. Meanwhile, a queen is a woman who's 50 or older, who is powerful, wise, self-assured, regal. She knows what she wants. She can take care of herself, yet knows when and how to let others help her. She serves and is served. She is equal parts stability and vulnerability. Women between the ages of 30-40 are considered "late princess", and those 40-50 are "queens in training."

One interesting thing about these archetypes is the high value our society puts on princesses, and how it tends to devalue queens. Being young and skinny is something most women these days strive for, especially as they start to age. Instead of thinking about how to move gracefully into queen territory, some women attempt to retain their princess-like position with extreme dieting, exercise, potions and creams, or in more extreme cases, surgeries. If they have daughters, they may compete with them in princess territory, rather than focus on setting a good example of what it is to be a queen. Instead of surrendering to the uncertain, chaotic flow of life and nature that characterizes our inherent feminine energy, we can get caught up in the masculine energies of goal setting, striving, and competition in an attempt to hang onto our youth. We may keep "doing" things to fight against and control nature, instead of "being" in our queenly bodies with Mona Lisa-like smiles of deep wisdom on our faces.

Since I'm in the "late princess" category, I'm now thinking more about this. Are the deeper questions I'm asking the beginnings of my transition from princess to queen? Can those of us in such transitions resist society's influences and companies' marketing efforts to re-claim some lost queenly value, so future generations of women can have more quality role models? Can part of my contribution to the world be done by embracing my female energy more fully? Would doing so have other affects on my historically masculine-energized way of living?

Women, what do you think? Are you a princess or a queen? Is the energy you encourage and own more feminine or masculine? What does the world need more of? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Happy days to you all,
Jen